


chin up sweetheart, they'd kill to see you fall

by thundersandrains



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, F/M, Fighting, Gang Leader!Choi San, Gang Violence, Gang!Ateez, Gangsters, Gun Violence, Knives, Mafia!San, ballerina partner, choi san is a gang leader, everyone is an asshole in their own ways, gang fights, mafia!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28492032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundersandrains/pseuds/thundersandrains
Summary: Choi San is known for being a famous gang leader, known for being unmerciful and ruthless in whatever shit he does, and known for his handsome demeanor that could entice anyone.But is he known for dating a ballerina who has a dark secret hidden beneath all the layers of tulle, insecurities and sharp tongues?
Relationships: Choi San/You
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

_1, 2, 3, and step and slide and turn._

Her knees wobbled under her weight, her body bracing for the fall that never came, but her feet struggled to keep their balance. Her heart almost dropped from the mistake, causing her head to shake and wipe off the sweat from her forehead with her forearm. She placed her hands on her knees to try to even out her breathing before trying the combination once more. One huff and another step to move back, and there she goes again.

The music played continuously, and she matched her rhythm with the beats of the orchestra, feeling and recalling all the corrections that people told her, as well as what her thoughts scream at her.

_Pull up from your back!_

_Turn out your feet!_

_More force and faster arms Danbi!_

The more she recalls, the less control she had with her movements and the more prone she is to forgetting everything. Because of the sweat that accumulated from hours of practice, her shoes slipped under her, and her body flinched as she tried to prevent herself from landing on her knees or her ankles and to land on her bottoms. With a loud thud, she fell down, and with exhaustion, she laid down on the floor, arms and spread wide as she panted while staring at the ceilings.

Stupid. Weak. No technique.

She shook her head in an attempt to remove these thoughts, closing her eyes with her hands covering her face. Tears started to fall to the sides of her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away before anyone could see them. 

Danbi is used to corrections and insults thrown her way like it's a regular occurence. Her physique is fit for a dancer, but that doesn't mean she has all what it takes. She often overwork herself to be able to prove her worth when everyone is just waiting for her to fail.

"Are you okay?" a gentle voice called out, and Danbi quickly looked at her side and saw him at the entrance, leaning on the door frame with a hand resting on his pocket. The way he stood is daring and extravagant, but his show adoration and concern as she laid without moving a muscle.

Danbi forced herself to sit up, curling up with her knees close to her chest to rest her head on them. She gave him a small smile and nodded, her cheeks getting squished. "I'm good."

Choi San approached her slowly, the heels of his dress shoes clacking on the wooden floor, making her aware of how close he is. He then kneeled beside her, and motioned her to give him her feet. She raised an eyebrow, but let out her ankle towards his direction, and his gentle but precise fingers untangled the ribbons and slowly took off her shoes, massaging her ankles as he did so. 

Danbi softly smiled and felt her heart melt at the gesture, and despite years of him undoing her shoes, her soul still melts at every single time he did it. 

"What went wrong this time?" he softly asked as he struggled to untie her other shoe, but still as gentle as he would care for a baby. "You looked a little more frustrated on this one compared to the last." His eyes looked up to meet hers, tender eyes asking for the truth in Danbi's answer.

She sighed, losing her posture and trying to stop her tears from falling. "I can't seem to get it right, no matter how hard I push, turn, step, and bend, nothing is right." 

San took her chin and lightly lifted it up to see her face frowning in annoyance and desperation. "Maybe your body is exhausted and you need to rest it or else injury will welcome you with open arms."

"I have less than 3 days to get it right, or they'll remove me from the cast."

"And if you don't rest in those three days, trust me, they'll surely remove you-" 

Her eyes glared, threatening him to continue any further, and San chuckled at her reaction.

"-What I'm saying is, your body won't respond to whatever you tell it to do because it's simply tired. Rest up tonight and you can get back here tomorrow morning, I'll bring you with me since I have an early meeting for a stake-out next week." 

Danbi looked to see any dishonesty in his voice, and she nodded weakly when she found none. He rested a hand on her cheek, wiping off the remnants of her tears from earlier with his thumb, and then moved her shoes that he removed earlier to the side, sliding closer to her to give her a soft kiss.

It was smooth and careful, not lust or desire controlling it. It is a kiss that gives off comfort and safety, to prevent the other from falling into their own chaos and grounding them to where they are. 

San's hand went from her cheek to the nape of her neck, pulling her closer with the least amount of force he could muster, and Danbi let herself melt and mold into his kiss, closing her eyes and falling into the moment. 

They pulled away after a few seconds, but let their foreheads close, and San stared with warmth in his smile. "I live for you."

Danbi chuckled at his words. "You better." She lets him pull away from her and to see him gathering her shoes and everything that came with it into his arms. He lent out a hand to her after he stood, in which she accepted and pulled herself up from where they sat. She dusted off her clothes and followed him towards her bag and her music, completely forgetting the fact that it never stopped playing. 

She saw San tidying her things up; putting her shoes into the green cloth bag, closing the small container of bobby pins and rubber bands and putting them inside the bigger bag, folding her lined up towels neatly and placing them in as well, and then handing her the water bottle without looking back. When she didn't accept it, he looked back curiously, seeing her standing still with a smile on her face.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Dance with me."

He raised an eyebrow at her before smirking. "I have pride in the way I handle guns and knives under pressure, but how I handle you in dance is something I'm ashamed of."

"That's not how your body tells me when we danced a few nights ago."

"Trust me, I nearly peed my pants when I dipped you that one time."

Danbi laughed out loud, but she stepped forward to grab the bottle from his hand and placed it somewhere near her bag, then choosing a song from her playlist and let the music sound loud but softly in the room. San stood still, watching her every move until she took his hand and dragging him towards the middle and then turning to face him. 

She took both of his hands and rested them on her hips and then proceeded to lace her arms around his neck, intertwining her fingers together as she pulled him closer to him.

"I'll lead you on, just- dance with me." she whispered, eyes glistening.

"I can never resist that pleas of yours when you speak like that."

"Speak like what?"

"Speak like I'm the only person who's supposed to hear it."

"You are the only person who deserves to hear it." she assured, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He leaned back a little to kiss her on the forehead, and then put his head atop of hers.

"Then it's my pleasure to dance with you, my darling." he whispered, closing his eyes as they swayed slowly along with the music.

The world behind those doors where San entered didn't exist in that moment. The unfinished plans and agenda that's laying around in his office and the line of consultations from his team doesn't exist as Danbi led him on to the melodies from her phone. The constant fear of losing what she worked so hard for and the judgements she gets from her company doesn't stand a chance as she relaxes into his embrace, as if he was protecting her from the dangers of his world.

And maybe that is it. Loving arms surrounded her but were quick and willing to kill once a threat came to her. Because the dangers of his work outside can be life-threatening and it frightens him to bring such a hazard into her pure life. Being the boss of a well-known gang isn't really a good thing for her parents to approve of, but he is willing to make sure everything will be worth at least something good, despite the demands of the work he is in. 

"Your thoughts are louder than the music, San." she mumbled before lifting her head up to see his face and he looked back, Danbi tried to see what his eyes were screaming for her to understand. "What are you thinking about?"

San quickly shook his head and continued to sway. "Nothing. Just things about work." He then smiled at her and his right hand made their way to meet hers, almost in a ballroom kind of way. "What about we spice things up a bit?" he wriggled his eyebrows before lifting his right hand up and making her turn, surprising Danbi as she twirled and landed securely on his chest, his other hand supporting his back.

"We could've fell!" Danbi exclaimed after hitting him on the chest.

"I'll always catch you whenever you need me to." he whispered to her ear. 

"If I could convince my directors to place my mafia boyfriend as my prince in the upcoming shows, I would do it without a doubt."

"Even if I'm lanky in dance and only sexy in bed?" San raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"Especially because you are sexy in bed." She winked at him, causing him to let go and laugh, squinting his dangerous eyes.  
"But hey, you are not that lanky, the way you turned me has more support than the guy I'm partnered with for next week. His hand even slipped after one jump, and I almost fell-"

"You what?!" San exclaimed, dropping his hands and eyes drilling into her soul.

Danbi's eyes widened in realization, words slipping out of her mouth faster than she can stop them. "No. No- That's not what I meant-"

"You almost fell? Someone almost injured you and you didn't tell me?" His glare that can only be seen during his work is now piercing through Danbi's head like a bullet. "When did this happen? Who is he? Wait nevermind, don't answer that. I'll find out myself."

He turned his back on her and was about to walk away to dial a number on his phone when he realized what he was doing. San stopped, dropped his shoulders and carefully looked back at Danbi, whose hands were on her hips with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face.

"I'm doing it again, am I right?" San sheepishly asked, a guilty smile on his face, attempting to charm his way through her, unsure of how she would react this time.

Danbi just chuckled, shook her head in disbelief and walked closer to him and gave him a huge hug, burying her face once more on his shoulder. "Yes, but it's okay."

He stiffened in her arms and tried to push her away. "No, I shouldn't have said those-"

"I know, and it means a lot more when you catch and stop yourself from doing it even when it's what you're used to doing. Thank you so much for that, you actually don't have to try to change it, you know?"

He pouted and slouched a little, his hands found its way around her waist once more and rested them there. "I wanted to. You mean everything to me and I want to at least do something right for us."

"You did everything right for me, Choi San." Danbi gave him a kiss on the cheek, and before she pulled away, San placed his hands on either side, closed his eyes and pulled her closer for another kiss on the lips. 

San sighed in their kiss and Danbi smiled. He moved his head a little to the side to reach in deeper and harder, pulling her closer with a hand that came from her face to her back, lifting her slightly and keeping them flushed together. 

"San, I need you- Oh."

They stopped almost at the same time, pulling away but resting their forehead on each other. San rolled his eyes and Danbi laughed at his disappointment. "What is so important that you interrupted my limited time with my girlfriend?" he gritted through his teeth, and she peeked behind him to see Wooyoung slowly backing away, a proud smirk on his face.

When he saw her looking at him, he straightened out and gave her a small bow, to which she waved back and returned his gesture. Danbi then motioned him to come closer and that it's okay to interrupt them, until San looked back and glared at Wooyoung who decided to stop at the door, a hand still on the doorknob.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your little lip-dancing, but I need San to look into the details of the stake-out as soon as possible before Hongjoong finalizes it to pass to Seonghwa." 

"Can't you look into it? I am in the middle of something and I don't want to be distracted." He waved mindlessly at Wooyoung, and when he looked back at Danbi, she's already on her way to her bag to finish cleaning up. "Excuse me? Where are you going?"

She glanced at an annoyed San and at an amused Wooyoung. "You better finish that first. I'll clean up and meet you afterwards in your office." Danbi turned back and organized the rest of her things that San wasn't able to finish earlier.

"But-" San was interrupted by Wooyoung who was pulling him out, dragging him while he resisted. 

"Come on, boss. You know I have no power to finalize anything, and fortunately for me and unfortunately for you, you're in-charge." 

"Let me go before I shoot your fingers off."

Wooyoung let him go and raised both hands, eyes surprised at the deep voice San used. 

San walked over to Danbi, her back facing him and not noticing his presence. He leaned to her ear with his hands clenched together at his back, a gentle smile on his face. "Meet me in the office, then we'll have food delivered, okay?"

Danbi turned around, and was surprised at how close he was, but nodded at his words. "Promise."

"Don't stay here for too long, keep those shoes in their bags until tomorrow okay?"

"Okay, okay. Now go." she pushed him away, and San just chuckled at her weak shove. "Before Hongjoong shoots you in the kneecaps for making him wait too long."

"I'm the boss around here so who gives him the right to shoot me?"

"I would literally stab you right now if you don't get your ass here in 30 seconds." Wooyoung butted in, but ran away as San stormed towards him.

"Fuck you!"

"Language!" Danbi jokingly snapped, silently laughing.

"Darling, are you forgetting it's the mafia boss you're talking to?"

"Oh, I thought I was talking to my boyfriend?"

"It comes with the package."

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

A door slam made Danbi look up from her position on the floor, legs sprawled out under the small coffee table with notebooks filled with notes above it. She saw San frustratingly running his hands through his hair more than she could count, and then he threw himself on the couch behind her, draping an arm on one shoulder. San gently placed his head on another shoulder, and Danbi can feel a pout coming as he deeply sighed.

"Done?" she said, ruffling his hair before continuing with her notes.

"Changed a lot of things and needed another proof-read tomorrow for the meeting, but yes." he paused, lifting his head up and leaned closer to read her note a little better. "You actually wrote down every correction, including curses?" 

"It helps a lot to process the corrections, surprisingly." she shrugged, and wrote the last ones she had to do. "...and done!"

Danbi stretched her body with her arms up, and San rested his head back on the couch as she proceeded to pop out air from her spine, twisting and bending in different ways.

"What are you craving for?" he asked, taking his phone from his pocket and sliding down on the floor to sit next to her, his legs propped up on top of hers.

"Maybe some noodles? Weather's kind of chilly lately."

"Sure. I've been wanting some hot soup since morning, glad our cravings matched this time." he typed and pressed a few more times on his phone before throwing it on the table and hooking an arm around her waist.

San has always been the clingy-touchy type: hand-holding, an arm resting gently on her lower back, an arm around her shoulders or even her arm sling on his; anything that he can muster just to give him a comfort that she is there and when her touch left his, his senses turn sharper and more alert than before. The rest of his group always find it amusing; to see him shift into an unorganized softie when Danbi comes into the halls of their building, and then shifting back into this sharp, detailed leader when work comes in. This is why their relationship cannot be hidden, because of the constant skinship he asks of that she's more than willing to allow, and the emotions he shows once Danbi comes into the picture.

Risky, but Saint is ready to slit throats when he senses a glare on her even from a mile away.

"Are your thoughts still bothering you?" he asked as he rubbed small circles on her hip bone, trying to run away from his own mess inside his head.

She shook her head and turned to face him. "No. They're still there but, not louder, unlike before. Plus, these notes help a lot. At least I can let go those corrections out of my mind and I can look them up later when I need to, instead of crowding my mind and making me go all crazy."

"You do look a lot better now." San noticed her hair neatly pinned up into a half ponytail, face fresh and glowing (probably from her shower after her own rehearsal) and clothes hugging her figure perfectly, but still looks comfortable and cozy.

"You did help me from drowning in them." she said, finishing up and closing her notebooks, placing the garter around it.

"I'll always keep you from anything. You know that."

"I know, and I do."

"You didn't just save me. You give me reasons to stay."

Danbi looked at him fondly, moving a hand to hold his, squeezing it tight and intertwining them. San looked at their joint hands, and lifted them up to kiss their knuckles keeping them close to his lips.

"What would I do without you?" she whispered, pouring out raw emotions she never thought she could.

"You would do well, shining like a bright star that leads people to look up to you and wonder what it's like to be like you." he said, tucking a loose hair behind her ear. "Me without you is more dangerous, because I cannot honestly imagine my life without you."

"That's too much to say for a mafia who handles a lot more people than I can think." 

"It's not much, really, when it's you we're up against." 

"Me? What can I possibly do?" she chuckled.

"Nothing is worth anything when being compared to you."

Danbi lost all words as the sight of his eyes staring at hers, so much feelings and emotions that are too jumbled up to understand. She knows the odds of a dancer meeting with a mafia is little to none: let alone fall in love with the other. But as she sat before him, legs in a jumbled mess, her notes on the table beside his phone ringing up with work-related calls, a gun at his back with her pointe shoes in her bag; she only realized one thing.

_Anyone can fall for anyone, because the heart always knows what it wants._


	2. Chapter 2

"Lighter, Danbi! Use your legs to push yourself up! Don't rely on him!" her director's voice echoed in the halls, almost deafening when he used the microphone to yell his corrections rather than just using his normal voice.

Danbi pushed harder, and sweat trickled down from her neck to her joints while she tried to apply the correction he just shouted along with thousands he used to correct her before.

"Steady, and go down further so I can lift you higher." her partner, Soonyoung, whispered as they continued to dance, instructing her for their next steps. Danbi didn't nod anymore, knowing that Soonyoung already knew that she got the memo.

_Plié, lift and point. Relax as he molds his hands on her back._

Soonyoung lifted her with ease above his head and Danbi curved her spine with control, resting her back on his hands and letting him turn and do his steps while she stayed overhead. She relaxed when she felt the support she wanted on Soonyoung's, but soon regretted the thought when his hand slipped from her back because of all the sweat.

Danbi braced herself for the impact, crossing her arms around her and facing the floor. But Soonyoung's hand was fast and was able to wrap around her waist and lessened her momentum, preventing her from crashing down. His hands gripped her waist so tight to stop injuries from coming.

"What the hell was that!" Danbi soon heard while trying to catch her breath, Soonyoung's hand wrapped around her, still shaken from the fall.

"I'm sorry, my hand slipped and I lost my grip." He defended while their director stormed his way towards the pair.

"That was an amateur mistake. All of us know that." Their Director pointed at Danbi, finger dangerously close to her face. "And you. Couldn't you at least try to not show that that was a mistake? What if that happened on stage? Would you crumple and cling to him like that? In front of hundreds of people?" he spat, making Danbi flinch at every sentence he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I won't do it again." she nervously said, words rushing out quicker than she expected.

"Do it again and you won't be able to show what you rehearsed for again." he threatened, before turning his back on them and stomping away. "Let's finish for today before my mood gets worse. I have tons to go through today."

Soonyoung and Danbi were left in the middle of the studio, eyes staring at the floor with hands clasped together on their backs. Danbi can feel the exhaustion and disappointment coming, so when Soonyoung decided to leave, she just nodded and he left with a small 'sorry' and a quick squeeze of her hands.

The gesture is faint and small, but being in this industry for years lets you understand that it's more than enough for dancers. A small apology is better than making a huge fuss about it, because everyone has little to no time to make such honest mistakes bigger than it should be.

Danbi stayed longer in the studio, rehearsing bits and pieces here and there, not clearly paying attention to the sun coming down and settling in for the night. 

After one more run-through, she flopped down beside her bag and finished up her water before tossing it inside and furiously wiping her sweat. She noticed her phone vibrate, and saw a couple of messages from Yeosang, and more coming from San.

Yeo: hey  
Yeo: san told me you aren't answering anything so he told me to pick you up before going to the office  
Yeo: i'm waiting at the usual

San: are you done? please tell me you at least ate a biscuit or something  
San: are you okay?  
San: answer me or else i'll the entire team rush towards the studios  
San: got yeosang off the hook to pick you up  
San: let's eat here

Danbi quickly replied to Yeosang before keeping and cleaning herself up, and San almost immediately called her after she sent a message to Yeosang. 

"Are you okay?" his voice deep, a sign that he's been stressing himself out with a meeting that just ended. Danbi couldn't help but smile at how he asked, gentle but firm, very much like him.

"How did Yeosang contact you that fast? I barely sent him my reply before you called."

"He didn't. I was staring at my messages to you and saw that you've seen them. Are you done?"

"I am. I'm sorry, I need to retrace some steps because I slipped again, I lost track of time-"

"Hey, it's alright. I just want to hear from you that you are well and not unconscious in the middle of the studio-"

"That was one time."

"But enough to make me scared out of my wits for you."

"You got scared because of me sleeping out of exhaustion when you are literally getting snipers and laser pointers on your forehead half of the time?" she asked, pinning her phone between her shoulder and ear and gathered up her things in her arms as she headed for the dressing rooms. 

"Because I can take care of myself and-"

"And I can't?" 

A sigh came out from his end of the line and Danbi opened her locker to stuff it with her shoes and warmers she used. "Look, Yeosang is already outside and I don't want to keep him waiting. I'll see you next time."

"Meet me here, or at least stay in mine." he managed to say.

"No. I'm tired, my mood's all over the place, I can't feel my legs anymore and I might shoot my boyfriend if he's the first thing I see when I pass by the office. I'm getting food on the way so don't worry. Bye."

She ended the call before San could retort, and even if she knows he's going to throw a fit because of it, she doesn't care. Well, at least until she soaks in a nice, warm tub with a full stomach.

Yeosang perked up after seeing Danbi approach him with a sweatshirt that's three sizes bigger than her couple with some plain white shorts and sneakers. He waved once and started the car immediately, and she slid on the passenger's seat after throwing her bag at the back.

"Take me home." she said, not sparing a glance at Yeosang, feeling his gaze on her.

"But San-"

"Take me home." she firmly said once more, turning to look at him and immediately softening after seeing his concerned face. "Please."

Yeosang only nodded and didn't speak a word on their way home. They did pass by to grab some burgers, surprising Danbi since she didn't inform him she wanted to get food before they arrived. But this is Yeosang, so probably he figured it all out already.

"Why are you the one taking me home tonight? Where's Hyunbin?" she asked curiously, checking to see if they got all their orders correctly.

"Your driver was an asshole." Yeosang admitted, stiff and avoiding her shocked face.

"A- What?!"

"San noticed something was off, so he asked Mingi to do a more thorough check on him, turns out he's a psycho who knows too much information." Yeosang shook his head in disappointment, but looked at Danbi with gentle smiles. "Don't worry, he's been taken care of."

"In what way?"

"You know what way."

"First?"

"Third."

"Huh?" Danbi slumped on her seat, with all the exhaustion coming on her once again. "That bad."

"Yep. He basically memorized your features and San's reactions and intentions towards you and reported them to someone else."

First is allotted to those who know some things that are mostly common knowledge to the public but still in need of some control; so that's like a dull knife carving through your skin. Not deadly, but still creates a nasty scar. Second is a gun to your knee or shoulder without hesitation. Third is the deadliest, meaning you know more than you should, and you're not cooperating well with their side, so that kind of gives away what your future will be especially with a gun pointed at your head. 

Yeosang dropped off Danbi at the back of her building and with a wave goodbye and another question if she's okay, he's off to go back to their office. She sighed before entering the lobby and dragged her feet up to where her home is, squished into the corner of some random floor.

She tossed the paper bag filled with food on the counter, kicked off her shoes and dropped her bag on the couch. Danbi went straight ahead to her bathroom and prepped her tub for a warm soak, adding some epsom salts to help ease the pain of her sore muscles and bloody blisters.

After a comforting bath and a few essence and skin care later, she's now fresh and wrapped around with her robe, heading towards the kitchen to eat her take out food, when she noticed a figure standing near her couch. She simply ignored it and grabbed her food, munching her way to the couch and lifted her legs up on the center table.

"Are you just going to ignore me?" the figure asked, and Danbi rolled her eyes as she took another big bite out of her burger.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I already told you I don't want to see you and yet you're here." she spat, finally looking at San leaning on the back of the couch. She continued to take big bites of her burger before she realized the long fingers trying to pry them off her hands and placing them on the table. San kneeled before her with one hand on her knee, eyes warm with his dimple poking out slightly.

"You're eating too much again on an empty stomach." he said, an eyebrow raised. "How many times have I told you to eat something in the middle of your rehearsals?" 

Danbi stared at him for what felt like the longest time, and once she realized that she's not winning this game, her shoulders dropped and slouched back on the couch. "I lost track of time."

"You always say that."

"It's the easiest and shortest thing to explain."

"Then give me the real reason. I'm not here for the easy way, Danbi." San found her hands and squeezed them, and moved his way beside her on the couch and cradled her in his arms. She snuggled into his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist, and found the warmth she's been looking for days. "Is this about the casting you've been telling me about?"

She only nodded in his chest and San started to card his fingers through her hair, removing small tangles as he went. Danbi's eyes closed at the gesture, letting the familiar feeling overcome her own tension.

"It's coming up really fast and I don't have the feel of the choreography yet. Plus, they told me I'm looking heavier."

"I know you'll do great, because you've been striving to become a better you every single day." he muttered while his chin rested on the top of her head. 

"Not everyone sees me the way you do. They think I'm shit." 

"I can make them eat shit. Say the word and I'll be on it."

"I think that would make things worse, so I'll spare them."

Silence sat as the two wrapped each other in their warmth and comfort, bringing peace to Danbi's weary heart. 

"Please don't do that again."

Danbi sat up straight to face him, but her hands still rested on his hips. "Which one? I did an awful lot of things today so you have to be specific."

San chuckled slightly and stared at her. "Making me worry too much about you."

"Like I said, I can take care of myself." she sighed.

"I know. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to worry about you, right?"

"You have far more important things to do than to rush to take care of your hungry and tired ballerina."

"I'll do anything for you because you are more important than everything else. If not, then why did I cancel a meeting just so I can go here to cuddle you?"

"You really don't have to."

"But I want to. Don't fight it." San kissed her cheek before standing up and fixed his pants.

"Where are you going?" she asked him, pouting slightly at the thought of him leaving.

"I'm off to warn a certain guy who almost caused you to break your bones and die." 

"Falling from an overhead lift won't kill me. You really don't know that after all those fights your team went through everyday?"

"We don't lift guys and pull them down to the ground. Please don't confuse us with superheroes and the like."

"Oh shit. I guess I don't want you anymore."

"I will show that Soonyoung the price he'll pay if he lets you fall down again like that."

"Stop it." Danbi stood up and took his arm and held them firm with both hands. "Soonyoung didn't want me to die. Trust me, I know the guy well enough to assure you he isn't planning to take me to the grave or not."

"I trust you. But he better be making an honest mistake because I won't hesitate to shoot him in the head the moment he lets your body touch the ground."

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

"Are you done already?"

"Yup. Castings are over which mean I can relax for a few hours before the next wave of doubts and anxiety rushes back in."

San chuckled on his end of the line. "So, are you going to pick me up or not?"

Danbi smiled at the thought of her picking him up, but was cut short when she heard a snap behind her. She looked back to see no one, and with those weeks of lessons San asked her to take, she saw a dark figure hiding perfectly on the curb of the street.

"I would, if not for someone following me." she whispered, senses fully aware as she tried not to be obvious.

"You're what!?" She heard a loud thump on the other line, probably San slamming his table before sounding like rushed breathing. Danbi continued to walk but faster, clutching her bag tight and phone, ready to take action whenever needed.

Finally, all those one-on-one self-defense classes are put to the test.

"Danbi. Danbi- Are you still there?" 

"Yeah, but I'm trying to lose him and I'm ready to fight whenever."

"No!"

She almost paused at San's tone, quite surprised at his reaction.

"What, no?" She panted before looking back once more, and now she's certain that the black shadow is after her after seeing him match his pace with hers. "San, I can-"

"I'm almost there. Take another left at the second street you'll pass by and go straight."

"I can take him down!" she angrily whispered, causing her to stumble a little and she saw the man now running towards her. "Shit. I am going to hang up." 

"Danbi- No-"

She dropped the call and ran at high speed.

She tried not to look back since the heavy footsteps getting louder and louder. Being a ballet dancer earns you a heck of stamina and endurance, but being in a gang gives you one more motivation: the passion for blood.

She took San's directions and took a sharp turn, but her shirt was caught on a sharp wire poking through the wall. The wire is sharp enough to cut through the shirt and her skin, causing a nasty wound on her side, just above her lowest rib.

This was an opportunity for the shadow to catch up, grabbing both her arms and her bag with his big hands and harshly pulling her close, cool metal hitting her exposed skin.

"Running away, sweetheart?" His voice is hoarse and uneven due to the chase, but Danbi paid no attention to it as she tried to push away his limbs from her body.

"With that face of yours, anyone would run away." she managed to say, and the arm around her neck tightened after her remark.

"Your small boyfriend would beg to this face when he sees you all pale in my hands."

"Not when he has two guns pointed at your head." Danbi frantically looked for the voice, and the man that held her turned around to see San behind them, a glare that could pierce through metal staring at them, jaw tightening when he saw Danbi's struggling to let go.

"Ah, if it isn't our little Choi San, heir to the ATZ Industry with nothing up his sleeves except two guns and one weak girlfriend." the man laughed, and pointed the gun from Danbi's waist to San.

"I won't be Choi San without me being two steps ahead of you. One bruise on her and I won't hesitate to kill you and the rest."

True to his word, Danbi managed to look around to see the other members of his team hiding and blending perfectly in the background. She saw Mingi and Yunho behind San, Wooyoung in one corner and Hongjoong and Jongho at the far back. 

"Except, she's already bleeding." The man hastily turned Danbi around, showing him the exposed skin and blood rushing out from her wound.

"You fucker." San grunted and shot the man, causing Danbi to fall over when he pushed her away to hold his arm.

San pulled Danbi close and wrapped an arm around to support her, another still aiming the gun at the man. After securing Danbi in his arms, his hand moved to cover her wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding, all while staring at him who was still groaning in pain.

"Yunho, finish him." San grumbled, and Danbi was surprised to see a taller figure appearing beside San, nodding and twirling his gun on his finger before cocking it and shooting. 

Danbi has no idea what happened after, because San covered her ears with his other hand as he ushered her quickly to his car, Hongjoong leading the way with Jongho tailing behind.

The familiar car took a sharp turn before them and Hongjoong quickly opened the back door, still aware and focused on their surroundings as the two made their way inside.

"Find out what he's up to and tell the others to gather up whatever he's in." San gritted through his teeth, earning a nod from Hongjoong and closed the door behind him.

"Yeosang, move." San said as he tore out a piece from his own shirt and pressed it on Danbi's side, who laid down on his lap, her wound exposed and open for San to check and see. She hissed at the pressure and San quickly muttered a few 'sorrys' and lightened his hand.

She hissed at the pain going worse as the adrenaline shakes off. Her closed eyes and curled up position in his lap causes him to think of the worst way to inflict pain to whoever made her suffer like this. 

"Please hang on a little more." he mumbled. "Seonghwa will take care of you, so please endure it." He pleaded, as his other hand soothed her by rubbing her shoulder gently.

"I won't let this happen ever again. I promise."


	3. Chapter 3

"Can't you put it a little lighter?" Danbi whined.

"Stay still or I'll let you bleed and die." Seonghwa threatened, waving the cotton bud on her face before rolling his eyes and went back to his work. "Plus, Yeosang indulged me with the fact you whined and whimpered like a dog on the way here." he chuckled.

"Sure, make my misery your comedic show." she scoffed, eyeing Seonghwa's work on her wound on her side. 

These injuries aren't usual for a ballet dancer, and considering the huge wound, it would be so much harder for her to keep a straight face when her partner would try to turn or lift her up on her toes. Hell, it would even hurt with tight leotards on and to bend on either side. Imagine the screams of her directors when her supposed to be happy face are to be replaced with anything less.

Seonghwa must've noticed her anxiety about it so he cleared his throat while he changed tools and took the iodine and placed some on a clean cotton ball.

"The wire seemed to be sharp and rusted, so the wound ended up deeper and a lot more concerning. I think I was able to disinfect it well despite all that, so I just need to give you some mild painkillers if you need to do your partnering work, and teach you how to wrap it well so that the pressure on it won't hurt as much."

It's funny how a gang member is talking about ballet partnering clearly as if it was second nature. As ironic as it sounds, the team is actually fond of dancing and each member had their share of dancing sometime in their youths, only to leave it behind once they decided to take this illegal business seriously. So when word came up that San took interest in a ballet dancer, the rest were eager to learn more about it in their spare times and would often chat with Danbi about their new learnings and ask things they aren't too sure about. They seriously implied that they are just doing these for the good of their boss' relationship status when Danbi's eyebrow started to raise (it was when Yeosang and Wooyoung started to ask about her pointe shoes, then frantically explaining that they wanted to put some sort of GPS tracker in them). 

Sure, whatever allows this gang's building afloat.

"Only mild painkillers?" Danbi asked. If it is deep (she really has no idea about wounds aside from blisters and falling off toenails; which Seonghwa never really liked talking about), then why not give her the best painkillers?

"You know I cannot give you the best and most effective painkillers, even on your most important shows, Danbi." Seonghwa looked at her, knowing she won't back down in this fight.

"But-"

A door slam cut off Danbi's sentence, making their heads turn fast to the entrance door, only to see a strawberry-haired female eyeing the entire room with a frantic look, and Danbi was faced immediately with a pair of eyes that were way too close and big. 

"Stop being so dramatic or else I'll stab your friend with my tweezers." Seonghwa said nonchalantly at the girl, shaking his head but kept a smile on his face.

"I heard she was taken and was stabbed and practically lost her consciousness on the way here, all the while I was tracking a stupid hacker down! How can I not be dramatic?!" the female said, and Danbi had to put a finger in her ear to prevent her eardrums from bursting and bleeding.

The last thing Danbi remembered was Yeosang driving fast in swift turns while San held her in his arms, eyes warm but jaw tense. He said she's okay to rest for a while since the wound is not entirely life-threatening, and when she woke up, San was already carrying her towards the building's infirmary and updating Seonghwa about what happened. Only then she woke and straightened herself up to go through the specifics for Seonghwa to ensure the things he needed to do to avoid further problems.

"For a gang member Luna, you have way too many emotions." Danbi said as Luna sat down beside her on the bed. "For your information, I was scratched by a simple wire, and I was tired so I slept. Remind me again how an important and well-known gang hired you?"

"Because I am one of the best." Luna answered proudly, placing her hands on her hips and lifting up her chin high.

"It's because San thought you needed a familiar, female friend in the office, when you get bored with us. It's amazing to see him not regret his decision until now." Seonghwa said to Danbi, pressing a thick gauze on her side and fixing it with some medical tape.

"Oh, I thought because she begged and asked him to let her join since it pays well?" Danbi smirked, completely ignoring Luna's complaints and flinching when got slapped on the arm.

"Fuckers. It's because I curse and threaten well enough for the bastards to tell the truth within 5 minutes." Luna rolled her eyes and fixed the knife on the band around her waist and covered it well with her shirt.

"Sounds about right." Danbi nodded. "Give me the painkillers you gave San the night before that big fight where Wooyoung stole the large television." she faced Seonghwa, who was already standing up and fixing the kit he used.

"No. Painkillers are not good for you, especially in times like these. You don't know when you've passed your limits because you don't feel anything. All you need is to know your limit and stop when you've reached it. It's not the starting point to do harder, it's supposed to be where you draw the line."

"You gave it to me once!"

"And it will never happen again. You almost broke your shin without you knowing because it's so numb already!"

"But you gave it to San and nothing happened to him!"

"I never meant to give it to him. That man practically shoved them to his throat the moment I mentioned its name and ran out to fight like a madman. Plus, he was knocked out for two days after that fight. You want that?"

"Fine." Danbi finally said, dropping her head and jumping off the bed before examining Seonghwa's work on the small mirror on one table. "Just give me the ones you'd want me to take, for good measure."

Seonghwa grabbed them from a nearby drawer before tossing them to her. "Drink it after a heavy meal an hour before you start rehearsing."

"Okay. Thanks Seonghwa." Danbi replied and headed for the door.

"No problem."

"You still need my help?" Luna offered. "I'm free for about two hours before Yunho grabs me by my collar to scold me about my information about a certain stupid hacker." Danbi looked back and scanned the two before shaking her head.

"I'm good. I'll just rest up in San's office while I wait for him to finish."

"Why not go straight home? I'm sure he'll understand." Luna asked, crossing her legs and leaned back.

"San has a tendency to do things he's not supposed to do when he's stressed."

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Danbi knocked on the door twice before peeking in and saw San browsing through files of papers on his desk. He lifted his head to see who it was when she didn't say who it was, and the scrunched eyebrows he had on immediately softened when he realized it was her.

"Hey. Are you okay?" He asked, closing one folder before standing up and approached her. He landed a kiss on her cheek before placing a hand to rest on her lower back.

"Yup. Seonghwa patched me up real quick and good." she said, closing her eyes and let her head fall down on his chest, the familiar smooth satin of his tie met her forehead. "See?" she turned slightly and pointed at the protruding bump of gauze on her side. 

"It's a great thing we have him or else I have no idea what to do with you." He whispered, resting his chin atop of her head and humming slightly.

She looked up but remained her chin on his chest, and San glanced at her after tilting his head back. "Are you trying to overwork yourself again, Mr. Choi San?"

"I am not." he chuckled.

"Seeing the blue folders neatly on one side and brown envelopes scattered around, it's clear that you're trying to do work that's not expected of you."

"How did you even know that?" he asked, taking a step back to take a good look on her. 

Danbi shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just good at noticing things and adding them up together. Folders are color-coordinated, and envelopes are not supposed to be in here since all the information should be laid out, summarized and ready for you to look."

San looked at her in disbelief.

"What?" she asked. "You're looking at a ballet dancer who needs to pick up choreographies through a television screen after seeing it once. And you're surprised that I can take note of the little things that's going on around here? Hongjoong is also very serious about the filing system since I saw him getting stressed about it when the others fail to do them."

San stared at her with a bright smile and let out a soft laugh. "If you aren't so serious about dancing, I'm ready to offer you a spot in my team."

"As what? Your personal assistant?"

"No. As my wife."

"Being your wife has a monthly salary? If yes, then where do I sign?" Danbi pretended to look around until San took her hands and laced them together, smiling fondly at her in which she gladly returned back. "What's keeping you busy this time?"

San glanced back to his table filled with paperwork. "Hongjoong and Jongho were able to get the names the man that chased you worked for. I'm trying to trace everything that involves them, and it turns out it's a lot more than expected."

"So third base of punishment?"

"Fifth." 

"Fifth?! You're cleaning everything and swiping them all off?" 

"We need to do it to ensure that nothing gets out anymore and that everyone will know how serious I am when it comes to you."

"I am really worth nothing."

"You are my everything."

He sat on the leather couch and pulled her to sit beside him, and wrapped her again in a hug, avoiding the gauze that's peeking through the thin white shirt Seonghwa asked her to change into earlier.

"I'm sorry." he said, voice cracking and Danbi turned to see the tears slowly forming on the corner of his eyes. She wiped them away gently with her thumb and cupped his cheek.

"For what? For saving me?"

"For not being able to be where you need me to be."

"You are there when I need you. You are always with me. And, I can always take care of myself better than you expect." she assured him.

"You are important to me. It's understandable that I'll keep worrying about you whenever you are out without me, or at least with someone I trust."

"I can take care of myself, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Oh I know that very well, considering you were willing to put up a fight the second time we met."

Danbi laughed at the memory. "You'll always know when I can't anymore, and you'll come with a flying kick and a gun on each hand."

San looked at her blankly, and laughed when realization hit. "Stop making me laugh. I'm trying to make a moment here."

"That's not really a sight to see for a mob boss. I am also being very serious here."

"Want to work with me? With that skill of yours hidden beneath that frail image, it would be such a big advantage to us."

"So where's my contract?" 

"I already told you, it's the second drawer on my bedside table."

"There's nothing there except a marriage certificate!"

"That's your contract."

"I need money, Choi San."

"All my riches are yours, sweetcakes."

"Stop it or kick your balls hard enough for it to swell for a week."

"Did you take dirty talk lessons from Yunho and Wooyoung?"

"Do we really talk when we do it?"

San thought for a moment. "No."

"Then there's no need for lessons."

"Why are you so good at this?"

"Interacting with gang members has its perks. Even Luna turned into one of you overnight and I had to keep up with the terminologies."

San sighed and rested his head on her shoulder. "You can leave, you know?" he said softly. 

"I know. But it's not on my schedule to ditch and leave you. "So if I put it in your calendar, you'd do it?" San straightened and locked his eyes on hers.

"Maybe, we'll see when we get there." Danbi smiled and stood up, but San's hand refused to let her go.

"You're leaving already? I haven't placed it on your calendar yet!"

"I'm taking the painkillers, asshole. It's hurting like a little bitch and if you continue to stare at me like that, I need to be in good shape for tonight or else it'll be a fucking mess in bed."

"Let me grab the water real quick. Stay here." San ran out, leaving Danbi chuckling alone in the office, and immediately thought of wanting to stay in his arms longer than she intended.

But both hearts knew they were meant to stay apart.


	4. Chapter 4

"Eat more than just grass, will you?"

Danbi looked up and saw Luna about to sit beside her, carrying her own paper bag of take-out food. Seonghwa chuckled in front of them, but continued to eat his own, chewing in amusement.

"When will you ever stop making healthy meals as nothing but cow's food?" Danbi cocked an eyebrow but Luna ignored her, busying herself with the burger she's shoving down her throat. "Do they starve you here or something? I've never seen you devour a burger in seconds before."

"Fuck off. San's up in my ass to make sure everything is cleared out from what happened to you weeks ago. I prepared myself for that, but him literally quadruple-checking everything I passed on to him was totally unaccounted for."

Seonghwa clicked his tongue before leaning back on his chair. "He's always like that, even before he took over. After working with us for months already, you aren't used to it yet?"

"I am used to him hovering over Danbi, but not hovering over my work-"

Danbi slapped her arm and the other two laughed as her cheeks flushed. "Shut the fuck up."

"A year of dating still gives you the butterflies?" Luna smirked.

"Butterflies and guns don't really go well together?" 

"Well my brain is fucked up already so don't make me think about something else." 

Danbi shook her head and played around with the greens on her plate. Her stomach still demanded to have some more, but the constant thought of gaining more than half a pound restricts her from putting another spoonful to her mouth.

"Wooyoung! Over here!" Luna raised a hand and motioned the boy to come closer, dragging Jongho with him. They settled down on the table and even tried to snatch off fries from Luna's bag and finished the rest on Seonghwa's plate.

"So, what's the hot topic for today?" Jongho asked before chugging down his coffee.

"San being up in Luna's ass." Seonghwa replied, crossing his arms and sticking out his tongue at Luna when she glared at him.

"San is always up in somebody's ass, when Danbi's not available." Wooyoung scoffed.

"I swear I can gut you out with my plastic knife." Danbi threatened and Wooyoung laughed at her response.

"That reminds me so much of the first time you and San met." he said, leaning on the armrest of his chair, and making eyes turn towards her.

"So we met at our fundraising gala, what's so special about it?" 

"You fucking took down and threatened to slit the throat of a fucking gang leader with his own knife, Danbi. Isn't that interesting enough?"

_"That guy is checking you out." Luna pointed towards her back with her lips before sipping from her glass of wine._

_"And I have no plans to check him out back." Danbi said, straightening her body fitting silver-sequined gown and dusted them off._

_"Just look once, and you'll be hearing the end of it."_

_Sighing defeated, Danbi casually looked around before glancing at her back, seeing a man fitted in a nice suit, eyes dangerously dark while staring at her as he held a glass of champagne._

_"Not bad, and not interested."_

_"Please get laid already."_

_"I am not here talking to a stage manager for her to tell me that someone wants to flirt with me." Danbi sighed, looking bored. "I am not in the mood to be pinned to any wall when my shoes are being a bitch."_

_"Please, this stage manager-" Luna pointed to herself. "Wants you out of her sight before you bore her to death, Ms. First Cast. You are supposed to greet and shake the hands of our sponsors or even chat with your co-dancers about the show and yet you are here with me complaining about your feet?"_

_"Don't worry. You're not the only one who's getting frustrated with my choices."_

_"Excuse me."_

_A voice tore out from their conversation, causing Danbi to look behind her and almost hitting the man who's gotten a little closer than usual. She raised an eyebrow at him, eyed him up and down and leaned her weight on the cocktail table._

_"May I help you?" she asked, trying to hide her annoyance but failing to do so._

_"You look dashing tonight." his voice is raspy and deep, and if Danbi's feet aren't close to bleeding, she would think about how such a man can have a voice like that._

_"I tried, thank you." She gave him a nod before turning around to eye Luna, but to her surprise, she saw no one._

_Fucking hell._

_"Try to hide your disappointment in me, Ms. Danbi." he said, stepping aside with hands clutched at his back, and bending slightly to meet her eye to eye. "I'm pretty sure you would love to see me too."_

_She narrowed her eyes at him before taking a step back and grabbing the fabric of her gown. "I'm sorry, I don't know you and please excuse me." She eyed for an escape route in her head before leaving._

_She expected him to follow her or to try and stop her from leaving, but was surprised to see none of it happening. As she approached the back door leading to the theater's dressing rooms, she glanced back from her table and raised an eyebrow when she didn't see the man there._

_Finally out of the party and out of sight, Danbi quickly removed her heels and carried them on her hand as she tiptoed her way to the dressing rooms. When she stepped in, she noticed something was off, heightening her senses that she thought was impossible after having few glasses of wine. She clutched onto her shoes tighter, and cautiously walked in further._

_A hand grabbed her mouth faster than lightning, dragging her in the room and closing the door in one smooth move, pressing her back on the wall with an arm firm and steady on her chest. She saw the eyes of the man from earlier glaring back at her, and took notice of the sharp knife pointing at her abdomen._

_What the fuck?_

_"Stop squirming or else I'll kill you before I can ask who you worked for." he whispered, but Danbi wasn't paying attention._

_She focused on her loose arms and feet and before he knows it, a foot pushed him back with force and when he stumbled, she took his closest arm to her and twisted it, grabbing the knife from his hand and pinned him facing the wall, her knees are propped up on his back to further restrict him._

_The man groaned at the impact and struggled for a while, but Danbi's grip on him and the knife on his neck didn't falter._

_Thank god she removed those heels, or else she would be wobbling and falling off from her stance._

_"Cute." she said._

_"Who the fuck are you?" he asked or mumbled while his face pressed on the wall._

_"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" she replied, low and deep._

_"Are you just pretending you have no idea who I am or you're just bluffing?"_

_"Who the fuck are you for me to care to know you?"_

_"You fucker-"_

_She pressed harder and he groaned. "Tell me who the fuck you are before I slit your throat and create a fucking mess on the floor."_

_"I'm certain you cannot do that."_

_"Are we forgetting the fact that you are pinned to the wall and I have your knife?"_

_"No."_

_"So, name and an explanation why the fuck where you out here looking like you plan to kill me."_

_He had the audacity to chuckle. "Bold of you to assume that you are special enough to be on my list. I already killed someone tonight, darling."_

_"And I can kill someone too if you don't say who you are." she threatened and the man sighed. "Say the name."_

_"Fuck- you have no idea who I am?"_

_"Why the fuck would I give a fuck about you?"_

_"You don't have a gun up your leg?"_

_"In this skimpy dress, and the fact that you checked me out already, do you think I have a gun up in there?"_

_"No earpieces or whatever?"_

_"Are you buying time or you are seriously asking me?"_

_"I am dead serious."_

_"And why is that?"_

_"Because I have been mistaken so many times before and maybe- just maybe I am wrong this time too."_

_"Don't go all soft on me. I still have a knife on your neck."_

_"And I have a gun on my waist."_

_With that being said, San pushed off the wall, causing Danbi to fall on the floor and for him to point his gun at her._

_"You really think I only have one weapon on me?" he smirked._

_"And what are the reasons for you to have one on you?" she asked, hissing in pain after being thrown harshly on the floor._

_Oh hello, new bruises. Welcome to the club._

_"Same reasons as yours."_

_Danbi narrowed her eyes on him in disbelief. "As mine? I have a weapon?"_

_"You don't?"_

_"I should?"_

_"What kind of gang member doesn't have a gun on her-"_

_"A fucking what?!" her eyes widened and the man looked back in surprise, but the gun remained still. "What do you fucking mean 'a gang member'?!"_

_Silence. The man stared at her for a long time and so did she._

_How the fuck did he think she is part of some mob? With blisters and missing toenails on her feet, with bobby pins all over her hair and tutus and pointe shoes in her locker- how did all that sum up to her being a gang member?_

_Is there something missing in her calculations or he's just fucked up?_

_The pain from the show earlier and the scheduled rehearsals for tomorrow started to dawn on her. If he won't kill her here, she might die in exhaustion in the next couple of days._

_"Look-" she sighed before pushing herself off the floor and stood up with the support of a chair beside her. "I am tired from a deathly show, was forced to be in a gown and heels, stood for more than two hours in a gala where no one is actually in for, pinned to the wall and was threatened with a knife and gun. Stop playing around and do what you're here for- even though I have no idea why the hell I'm being tracked down for."_

_Finally, the gun lowered but remained on his hand. "I am still not so sure about you, but I am willing to shoot you if you attempt anything that could harm me."_

_"You can have your knife back." She kicked the knife towards him and he caught it with his foot. "I have no intention of explaining your dead body on the floor, unless you started to come for me."_

_She fixed her gown and moved closer to where her stuff sat on the table. It's funny that she almost died in the same dressing room where she chased her breath after an exhausting performance, almost making her blackout and hang on for dear life._

_"Choi San." the man said._

_"What?" she looked back to see the man putting the gun back to his waist and folding the knife and tucking it in his pocket._

_"Choi San. I'm- Choi San."_

_"Great. Now can you leave?" she asked and pointed at the door. "My dress is itchy and I don't want the same man who pinned me on the wall watch me undress, whoever the fuck you are."_

_He nodded and went out slowly, closing the door behind him carefully. Danbi lost all of her strength and fell down on the chair, replaying the scenario all over again._

_Where the fuck did she get the strength to do all that without failing?_

_30 minutes later, barefaced, oversized clothes, huge bag on the backseat and a rushed apology from him she barely followed, she was faced with another question to which no one has the answer for._

Why the hell is she going home in Choi San's car?

"He fucking drew the knife on me first! How am I supposed to react?" she said.

"I don't know? Maybe step down?" Wooyoung shrugged. 

"I'm actually more surprised that she didn't hit him in the balls." Luna butted in.

"I have no idea why I didn't do that too. Could have cut the conversation shorter." Danbi agreed.

"San is good with words. He would keep talking even if you are not listening to him." Jongho said.

Except Choi San isn't. Well, not with Danbi. San is nothing but soft cuddles and hums and warm hugs, letting a comfortable silence fill their space. Sure, he talks a lot about his work, but would often fall silent and allow their presence to do the job of informing them that they are present. His words when confronting a client or insider are straight and firm, but he would stutter when confessing his feelings and laying out his emotions on her.

"Up until now, I have no idea why the hell did he think I'm out to assassinate him or whatever." Danbi said, still confused.

"I had eyes on him that night." Jongho informed her, scratching his chin while trying to remember what happened. "We were about to wrap it all up and call it a day before we noticed he was already pointing a gun on you. The room was filled with Hongjoong's beautiful cusses when he found out from his fast research that you are nothing but an innocent bystander."

"San is attracted to you."

All eyes turned to look at Seonghwa, who is now playing and sucking on a lollipop. 

"A knife on my neck and he's attracted to me?" 

"San is an idiot who can't figure out his own feelings." Seonghwa added, voice acting like everything he knows is common knowledge. "He must have thought that his attraction to you is his gut feeling that you must be out there to harm him, so he did not hesitate to confront you."

"Ah, makes sense." Wooyoung snapped his fingers and pointed at Seonghwa. "That's why he didn't go for the kill."

Seonghwa pointed back at him with his lollipop. "Exactly." 

"What?" Danbi scrunched her eyebrows. 

He then looked and pointed the candy at Danbi. "He was confused with his feelings but knew he can't kill you because he sort of liked you."

Danbi took this all in and even if she and San have shared amazing memories already and have no doubts about his devotion to her, gaining new information about their first meeting and his feelings for her caused her cheeks to flare up.

"Who would pull out a knife and point a gun at the girl he likes?" Wooyoung asked to no one.

The five of them sighed and all spoke.

"Choi San."


	5. Chapter 5

"Don't finish up all the pepperoni you bitch!" Wooyoung screeched when he saw Yunho taking a huge bite out of the last slice. But he just stuck out his tongue and chewed loudly as Wooyoung stepped closer and stopped before him, and suddenly everything happened way too fast.

Wooyoung was about to trap Yunho in a headlock, reaching out fast to wrap his arm around his neck, but Yunho was already a step ahead. He took his arm before it even touched his body, twisting it around and making Wooyoung scream in pain as he struggled to get out of his grip.

"You can never really trust that guy to shut his mouth, no matter how much you offer him." Seonghwa muttered, biting his pizza without tearing his look from the scene before them. Danbi simply nodded, not even bothering to check if the two are okay.

At first she used to scream and demand them to stop, stepping in between fights and peeling off one from the other, until San stopped her and calmly said that these are normal occurrences and the worse that comes out of it are scratches and an empty bank account. 

"Make sure they won't make a huge mess in here or else I'll chop their balls off and make them eat it." Danbi said.

"This isn't even where you live?" Luna spoke, confusion written all over her face. "You don't even work here?"

"I spend most of my time here rather than my own house." she gestured around San's office and then pointed at the boxes of pizza sitting on the coffee table, "I paid for the pizza. I get to say anything I want or put back everything you shoved down your throat."

"Point taken."

Yunho and Wooyoung sat beside them on the floor a few minutes after, hair messed up and struggling to catch their breaths.

"You both looked like you just did a quickie at the back of the room." Jongho said as he stared at the two, Yunho chugging down a water bottle and Wooyoung leaning back and faced the ceiling.

"Isn't that how Wooyoung found his calling to join us?" Seonghwa asked, making Luna snort.

Danbiturned to see Wooyoung glaring at Seonghwa, and stared at him wide-eyed, "The fuck?" 

"Yeah, things are getting heated once in an alleyway and San hid there while he was being chased by some thugs, offered Wooyoung some cash to back him up and the rest is history." Seonghwa explained, and a pillow hit his head, spilling the drink he was about to sip. 

"Nothing beats the way Jongho fought a highschool gang and won once, then tracked down a bigger gang thinking he could win and got knocked out for days." Wooyoung flatly said, making the youngest spit his food on his face in surprise. "Jongho, what the fuck!"

"Sorry, but you deserved that one, shithead." he snapped, wiping his mouth with a tissue. "And correction, I tracked them down to join, not to get beaten up."

Wooyoung made an annoying face and Jongho punched him on the arm, curling and cursing in pain while the rest laughed loudly.

Time passed like that; conversations about how they all ended up in the gang and how their lives were before joining, sharing the bits of their pasts that they could not afford to get back to, and telling Danbi how the gang helped them all have a better chance at life (making her wonder what better chances are there after joining a motherfucking gang? But hey, who is she to judge?)

The talk made Danbi ponder about San and his life. If he wasn't a gang leader, he told her once that he would most likely continue to train under his father, taking over the small taekwondo business his father started before he passed away. Or maybe in the music industry, since he did say he liked mixing tapes before, but denied and explained that it was just a phase and nothing good came out of it, unlike taekwondo, which helped a lot in winning gang fights with heavy punches and flying kicks.

Is dating a taekwondo master any easier than their life now? Would they even meet if the circumstances are different?

Would that San accept her for who she really is? 

"What's taking them so long?" she asked no one in particular, shaking the unwanted thought out of her head and checked to see if San left a message or a call.

"San is a talker. He'd probably pissed them all off after ensuring the deal, and most of the time it ends in a little cat fight." Seonghwa answered, looking at Danbi. "They'll be back soon, don't worry." he assured her.

"I'm more worried about the food getting all cold-"

A ring interrupted her, and while the rest checked their own gadgets, Wooyoung loudly let them know that it was his, eyebrows scrunching after seeing who called him.

"Yeosang? What happened? Why are you calling me-"

He fixed his gaze on Danbi, and nodded.

"Yes, she's still with us."

She can feel all eyes are on her, and can already sense them checking their guns and knives hidden under their shirts. The unsettling feeling in her stomach started to freak her out, and Wooyoung's gaze never left hers.

Is the deal over? She checked her phone and saw no messages from San. Why didn't he call that they're done, like he used to before? Why isn't he checking up on her, and why the hell is Yeosang asking about her when he's with San all along?

There's a lot of things running around in her mind, making her freeze and stare at Wooyoung, unable to move even if she wanted to scream and grab the phone from him and ask where the hell is San. 

"What do you mean? Yeosang- I don't understand- Hello? Yeosang?" he checked to see if the caller did end the call, and he paused.

"Was that Yeosang? Is there a problem?" Yunho was quick to his feet, and the rest followed, leaving Danbi and Wooyoung sitting frozen in their seats.

The look Wooyoung gave her is not similar to the ones she used to seeing when an operation went wrong, or things ended nicely with a bad process. No, it's not even close. It's not eyes firing with revenge, not aggravated or furious. 

He looked at Danbi with confusion and hesitation.

And she has no idea why.

Wooyoung is fast at putting things together, literally and figuratively. He can disassemble and assemble a new gun that they got from a deal, without any doubts or second tries. He can understand broken comments and commands, comprehending and acting faster than everyone else. So when Danbi saw the genuine confusion on his face when his eyes trailed at her, her body shook with nervousness.

If Wooyoung has no idea what's going on, one thing is certain.

Things are fucked up.

Yunho nudged at Wooyoung's frozen state, and he broke his stare from her and glanced up at Yunho's expectant look.

"Yeosang called," he started, finger fidgeting and reaching his gun that's strapped on his waist, "asking me if she's here."

Danbi can feel everyone's look on her, but she didn't pay attention and just focused on what he had to say. She slowly stood up, unsure of what she should do: to run or to hide? But Luna took her wrist and squeezed it once, making her turn to see Luna's soft assuring smile signifying that they got her back.

It made her release a breath, but not enough to lose the anxiety in her heart. 

"What the hell is going on?" Jongho questioned, and she looked to see him shifting from where he stood, body straightening and ready to move.

"I-I have no idea. He kept on saying to keep an eye out on her and that they're on their way back." he responded, voice stern but she can hear the worry hidden beneath the deep tone. "He said to stay and don't let him get close-"

The door slammed open and the rest took out their guns and cocked it, Danbi flinched at the sound. Her eyes fell on the figure stepping out from the door, who appeared to kick the door to get it open-

She froze. 

The messy, sweaty hair that looked like he harshly ran his hand through them, the dark coat that's been tailored to fit his figure properly, and his unbreakable stance that stands out from everybody. 

And the familiar gun with white marks at the bottom that he keeps strapped on his lower back, is pointing straight at her. 

"What the fuck!" Danbi heard someone call, but she stood still, frightened and confused as she stared at the man and his gun.

Why the hell is Choi San pointing his own gun at his own girlfriend?

"Choi San! What in the world are you up to!?" 

She snapped out of it when Wooyoung growled, and noticed that everyone she's with earlier are pointing their guns at him, unsure of what to do but has no hesitation to pull the triggers if hell breaks. San didn't flinch and glared at Danbi, eyes dark and outraged, breathing heavily as he held the gun with a grip too tight it turned his knuckles white. 

It took a while for her to notice the nasty cut from the side of forehead down to the corner of his eyebrow, and the blood on his lower lip with a bruise forming below it.

"San, what's going on-" she gulped, but San's booming voice stopped her.

"Shut the fuck up."

She felt everyone's breath hitch, shocked at his harsh tone that he refused to let her hear, let alone speak to her with it. Her heart dropped, but she didn't lose her demeanor, afraid to move as if it was going to turn things worse than it should.

"San, what the hell is wrong with you!" Luna spat, as she moved a step away from the table to get a better angle and Yunho quickly took Danbi's wrist and moved her behind him without even breaking eye contact from San.

"Jeong Yunho, move."

"Until you lower your fucking gun or aim at someone else, I won't." he hissed.

San smirked, and Danbi started to think that this isn't the San she knows, but at the same time, he is everything she knows. "Do you even know who the fuck you're defending?"

"Put down the gun and we'll talk." Seonghwa demanded, and not once did San's eyes flicker to someone else, harsh and spiteful glare boring on her head.

"Not until the bitch speaks about who the fuck she is." San spat, and before anyone could move, Danbi took the handgun Yunho kept in his back pocket and pointed it at San, infuriated at the words that came out of his mouth.

"Danbi-" Yunho started, but she was on the move and walked out from behind, returning the deadly glare on him and firmly holding the gun with one hand.

"The bitch is confused and lost, but the same bitch won't hesitate to shoot if you won't stop speaking in circles and say what the fuck is wrong with you!"

Her tone made everyone freeze, making them all look at her with mouths opened wide but kept guns pointing at their leader.

They are used to Danbi's loud and dirty mouth, but no one has actually seen or heard her speak so harshly and furious, let alone point a stolen gun at the person she claims to love. A skimpy ballerina cocked a gun so swiftly and pointed at one of the well-known gang leaders in Seoul? She's surprised at herself as well, because who knew that her boyfriend would do the same, and looked like he was satisfied that she lost her control and threatened to shoot.

Loud footsteps are heard before they could even see them, and Yeosang and Hongjoong came from behind the door, panting and surprised at the scene before them. Mingi came to the picture shortly, and they did put out their guns and pointed at everyone else, puzzled but looked sharp.

"This is what you wanted, right?" San chuckled, ignoring the ones who just came to the scene, smirking at her glares. "To make everyone doubt and kill each other. Are you here to spy or to fuck everyone up?"

"I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." she fumed, raising another hand to hold the gun and aimed at his chest. 

Her heart is beating fast and loud enough to hear them beat through her ears, panting as she tries to let air come into her lungs before she passes out. 

There are two things her mind screams: to stop and hug him, or to shoot. The better of her wants to settle everything without a gun fight, but if San will not stand down and refuse to speak, then two can play this game.

"Do you really have no idea, or you're just pretending as always?" he questioned, and she felt everyone's stance go weak the same time her knees buckled and her stomach churning.

She's going to be sick.

"Pretending? Aren't I supposed to be the one asking you that, comsidering you aimed at me out of fucking nowhere?" 

"Sweetie, I can pull the trigger now without hesitation-"

"Then why haven't you pulled it yet?"

San paused, and a loud sound erupted, a sound of something breaking behind her followed shortly after.

It made everyone flinch, but nobody else shot another one, surprised to see the two not even moving from their positions, as if San did not shoot the expensive vase behind her.

"The next bullet is for you, sweetheart." San grinned, but it didn't feel warm and comforting at all.

It's as cold as ice, as hard as a stone.

"Tie her up." he demanded, lowering his gun but not breaking his stare.

"What-" Jongho started, but quickly shut his mouth when he saw San glare at him. 

"Tie her up or I'm going to shoot all of you." 

Hongjoong stepped closer to San and was about to grab his arm to calm him down, but the younger turned at him and threatened him only with his eyes. "Stop me and I'll ruin everything in your fucking life in a single snap." his voice thundered, sending chills through everyone's skin. "You all know what I'm capable of."

Danbi can feel everyone's hesitation, and moves her aim higher and shoots the door beside him, making them all jump at the sound except him, and snapping their weapons up once more, uncertain to who they should aim at. She pointed at him and cocked the gun once more. 

"Everyone, out." she demanded, making them look at her in shock and opposition.

"Why bother? You don't want them to know your dirty little secret?" San roared, smirking at his little scheme.

She felt her blood boil at the term, finally realizing what this is all about. She studied and saw the hidden emotions behind his anger: betrayal and pain. Her grip started to falter, eyes widening and breathing turning rapidly. 

_"I have a deal to go to tomorrow. Will you be okay to celebrate with everyone else first while waiting for us to get back?"_

_"Of course! Not that it'll be cheaper to feed half of the gang, but I think I need the breather too, before rehearsals start to break me down again."_

_"Good, I'll call you as soon as we're done, okay?"_

_"I promise. But can I ask what's the deal all about?"_

_"Some rude asshole from KQ wants something and refuses to speak unless it's me they're speaking with."_

KQ. 

"Did you finally understand what this is all about, sweetheart?"

San talked with the head of KQ. The gang San hated with his entire being because of their unmerciful and unjust motives, and the gang Danbi desperately tried to forget.

"How-"

"I have no idea why it took me so fucking long to see it, and it's right under my fucking nose all this fucking time."

As the thoughts started to come together, she lowered the gun and raised her hands in defeat, and San smirked at the sight. "It's that easy for you to lose? I should have started with that, so I can kill you faster."

Seonghwa broke the silence, "You are not killing anyone until you tell us what the fuck is going on!"

She saw everyone else staring at her, eyebrows scrunched and face tight, clearly unsure but ready to shoot at anyone who's at fault.

And she started to accept her fate.

"I can explain." Danbi sighed and looked at San once more. The smirk is still there, but she did not miss the disappointment in his eyes, tense and frustrated. "If you'd let me explain."

"Explain what?" Mingi asked from behind San, and he glanced at Mingi quickly before tilting his head and raising a curious eyebrow at her. "What happened with the deal for you to act this way, Choi?"

"Should I do the honors of telling them what they've been missing out on?" he questioned, and Danbi was about to shoot the smirk off his face if she didn't just focus on the emotions his eyes expertly hid.

She remained silent, and the rest waited, silence uncomfortable and suffocating.

"I-" she stuttered.

"Speak or I will." he threatened, and Danbi lowered her head.

This is it. The moment she's scared to face.

"What the fuck is up?" Wooyoung belted, unable to control his emotions as time ticked.

Danbi wanted to have a nice, lovely and small dinner party as a celebration for her getting the role she worked so hard for. She wanted to spend time with her friends that turned family when San took her in and demanded to allow him to take care of her. She wanted to see San by the end of the night, spend the rest of the night in his apartment, and do their own celebrations in private. She just wanted to have a lovely evening as a celebration.

But what she got are 9 guns, 2 bullets, tensed friends and a secret to be exposed.

San sighed as he stared at her, clicking his tongue to hide the ache he feels in his chest as he spoke with anger and rage.

"Danbi worked with KQ as a gang member and a fucking insider."


	6. Chapter 6

San arrived at the hotel's bar, and helped himself to a glass while waiting for his dealer to come. He sent a quick message to the rest about his position, and the others responding fast about getting ready.

He knows there won't be any fight happening considering that they are in a public space, but with these occasions, one can never be too sure. 

"If it isn't the famous Choi San, only heir to the throne of the biggest kingdom in Seoul." 

San continued to drink from his glass, not even bothering to see who spoke with so much confidence in his voice, it's annoying. He slid his glass back to the bartender before glancing sideways, a man raising his eyebrow with a smirk on his face appeared.

"What do you want?" San asked, looking away to ask for another glass. This conversation is going to end up nowhere, so might as well get drunk as they talked.

He never wanted to meet up with this scrawny old dude if it weren't for Hongjoong telling him that this guy has a lot more shit hidden underneath the surfaces, and stealing most of their stocks and weapons before it gets delivered to their warehouse.

Some fucked up dude that none of them wanted to meet, trying to make excuses until they ran out, having him no more chances of delaying the inevitable.

"No small talks for the leader then? Is life busy? Or is someone keeping you busy?" 

The tone almost made San crush the glass with his own hands, glancing at the man through the mirror on the wall behind the bar, his smirk never leaving his face as he gulped down his bottle of beer. Beer is too weak for gangs, but it seems like that shit doesn't matter to this man, like cleaning the blood splatters off his blazer, some old and dried up, some relatively new.

"Stop talking shit and wasting my time. I have more things I need to accomplish."

"Even if it's little Ms. Danbi we're going to talk about?"

San couldn't help but clench his jaw as he slowly looked at the man who's enjoying his suffering. 

It's a wonder how this man got information about Danbi, considering the others are doing a good job keeping her information to a minimum, but he's sure that what they've been doing recently is not being discreet.

The man is now looking at San, leaning on his elbow that's propped up on the counter.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." San gritted through his teeth, and he can feel his team already preparing to take action because of his emotions. 

"Oh, isn't she your little companion nowadays? My own men said they recognized her coming in and out of a car that awfully looked like yours." he snickered, and San's fist clenched the glass harder.

"Recognized?" 

Danbi is a dancing figure so fragile that he could break her apart with his arms. She floated everytime she jumped, she glided every step she did, danced gracefully even without lifting a finger. But she is strong just like anyone within his team, brave enough to continue moving despite the aches in her limbs and blood all over her toes. 

"Didn't you know?" the man lifted his glass up to his lips and continued. "She used to work for us. She was a wonderful sniper, killing tens in less than 5 seconds and can get information as fast as she can kill."

She is everything San did not know.

___________________

"What?!" Danb iheard someone exclaim, the sound of guns clicking and changing filled the room until silence followed, feeling all guns pointing towards her.

But none of the guns felt dangerous, except for one.

She kept her gaze on San, the gun she was used to feeling on the back of his waist is now pointed straight to her head, and the man she spent the past years loving is behind the gun.  
 _  
"Is this some sort of a lucky gun?" she asked, trailing over the edges she felt as she embraced him on the waist. "I have never seen you change it and this particular one looks different than the rest."_

_"I guess you could say that." San replied, patting her head as she lifted her gaze on him, standing in front of her as she sat on his office chair. "I've had it since I got this position, and every single bullet I fire lands on the exact spot I wanted it to hit. So yeah, some sort of lucky gun- if that exists."_

His look is murderous, a look she was familiar with, but now that she's on the receiving end, she couldn't help but feel her heart dropping. 

"I'm not going to say it twice." San remarked, still in his position. 

"But-"

"That's not true!"

"That's not possible-"

"Who knows what the truth is anymore?" San smirked, words coming out like poison. "Who are you?" he asked Danbi, who kept alarmingly still under the nine guns pointed at her, most of their grips shaking. 

"Danbi-" someone interrupted.

"Are you even siding over some chick that lied to us?" San roared, making Danbi flinched with his words. "If you plan on doing that, get the fuck out before I shoot you all before I end her."

"You're going to shoot once we're out of here!" Luna blurted, and Seonghwa held her back, his gun lowering from it's position. "No one can shoot her on my watch!"

"I'm going to shoot whenever I want to. So get the fuck out before I start with anyone else."

"We are not leaving." Seonghwa stated, and half of the group lowered their guns, shock and confusion still plastered on their faces.   
_  
"This is the rest of the team!" San exclaimed, and Danbi stood still at the eyes staring at her up and down._

_"Is this the one you risked my high-quality cameras for- Ow!"_

_"That's Wooyoung, pay him no attention because he's just a pathetic excuse for a human." San smiled after stepping harshly on the man's foot, guiding her along as he gestured to everyone in the room._

_"That's Yeosang, a trained racecar driver turned gang member."_

_"San often uses me as his personal driver, and I'm about to shoot a hole on his head for doing so."_

_"I pay you extra!"_

_"You call a few bucks extra? I could dance in the middle with a fucking pole and earn more than what you pay."_

_"Fuck off- Oh, this is Mingi and Hongjoong. Personal bodyguards." Gesturing over the bodies that leaned on the center table, hands crossed in front._

_The shorter one flicked a small knife towards San, who ducked and let the knife hit the wall. "Don't turn your back on me Choi, or you'll see it turn into a polkadot fashion."_

_"We are not bodyguards. More like babysitters since Choi San here is too immature to watch his back and we are just good shooters." The taller one smiled warmly, and Danbi returned it._

_"Shut up, will you? That's Yunho and Jongho." Her eyes darted to the two huddled over two laptops, both showing off their middle finger to San. "They can hack into the most protected systems, and get information in a flash. Great technicians too."_

_"Technicians my ass." one of them scoffed._

_The other one sat straight and lengthened his legs in a stretch, and god are they long. "Are you sure this is our fucking leader? It seems like he has no fucking idea what we do here and he deserves to get all the pay?"_

_San ignored him and pointed at the last one at the very back, the man lifting his mug in acknowledgement. "That's Seonghwa. He used to be someone in a hospital, so he's good at patching people up, but a good sniper and seducer too."_

_"That's the greatest fucking thing you ever said about me." Seonghwa placed a hand dramatically over his chest. "Did anybody get to record that?"_

_Wooyoung lifted a small device, almost similar to a pen. "Got it. A hundred bucks for the entire monologue."_

"Danbi is our friend too. Are you turning your back that easily on the one thing that kept you sane all these years?" Seonghwa continued.

"She kept lying to me- to all of us all these years." San flatly said.

"So you're throwing those years you've been together for some asshole you met for less than 10 minutes?" Luna spat, glaring at San who didn't graze a look on her.

"Luna-" Danbi mustered, gulping as she tore her look from San to try and ease the fuming female. 

"Shut the fuck up or leave." San hissed, and Luna was close to strangling him if it weren't for Mingi who stepped in before she got too close.

"You don't get to talk to me that way-"

"Or do you want me to shoot you?" San lifted an eyebrow as he fixed his eyes on Luna. "Because I can, without hesitations. Maybe you're part of some gang before too?"

"Don't." Danbi whispered loud enough for everyone to look at her. She felt weak and disgusted, but cannot for the life of her back down in this scene that she brought herself. "Don't include them in the argument that only you and I should have."

"What the fuck are you saying?" San scoffed, "You know too much about our organization to leave them out of this. This is as big as it's going to get."

"Then kill me."

A dropped pin can be heard after Danbi spoke. 

She had used those words so many times, but none of them felt this way. The feeling of trust, but at the same time uncertainty, since the man she deeply trusted has now trusted everyone else but her. 

Those words are meant to be used for desperate times, when she had to keep on talking to think of a way out of a sticky situation that could end very badly. Sometimes used when the choreography goes too hard and she just wants her toes to stop hurting. Those words are familiar to those who are loyal enough to keep a secret hidden. Words that she never expected to speak in front of him.

"Danbi-" Luna flinched, but Danbi shook her head as San smirked.

"Is this your gang side showing off? Is this some sort of stunt to put down our guards and then you'd fire away?" San chuckled. "In all honesty, it does turn me on a little bit."

"San, are you out of your mind?!" Wooyoung exclaimed, changing his aim from Danbi to San. "You don't get to speak to her like that! She's your girlfriend for fuck's sake!"

She had enough of this. 

She was expecting this, but not in this way.

She was expecting a little privacy between the two of them, shouting and arguing in either apartment and just- fighting.

"Does it look like I even care anymore who she is?" San fumed. "Hell, I don't even know who she is!"

She has no idea what's going to come out of this, but for once, did she not fear it.

Danbi took long strides to grab the end of San's gun and pressed it forcefully on her forehead, eyes darting off daggers.

"Kill me."

She can hear guns dropping and protests around her, but she paid no mind to them, her sole focus on the man who did not change his stature ever since he came into the room. Everything stopped, except for her heart that beats faster than it has ever been. 

Another hand lifted up to keep the gun in place when she felt his grip loosen. 

"Kill me, then maybe you'll have the time to think who the fuck is the one loving you when no one could." she stated, and she can notice the tension ringing all over the room.

San has been very gentle with her, unsure how to act with someone the exact opposite of what he does for a living, soft gazes as she danced, comforting hugs as reassurances that she's in it to win. 

"Kill me, then maybe you can be assured that I will take everything I know about you, your team and ATZ, down to the grave."

Choi San is everything, but the man pointing his gun at the only person his heart melted for.

So it took everything for Danbi to hide the shock in her face when San snapped his gun away from her hands, and letting his arm limp over his side, pointing the door behind him.

"Leave."

Everyone stood still. Scared of the next move, afraid to break anything that could potentially turn every little thing upside down. 

Danbi didn't really need to ask, but her heart yearned for an answer. "Why not pull the trigger? Why not put me down once and for all?"

San looked at her in disbelief, and a second after it was replaced with a snicker. "I don't want your dirty blood to stain my carpet. So leave, before I change my mind and take the life I spared you."

"Kill me, so that I would stop killing myself slowly trying to figure out why you decided to believe everyone else but me."

"Killing you slowly would be such a pleasure, but a hassle for me to do now."

"So now I'm worth nothing? After everything I've put up with just to be with you, everything has now burned into ashes?"

"I don't have the time for this-"

"But you have the time to listen to some asshole who knows me less than you!"

"Explanations won't fix anything. Leave before I-"

"Do you even love me?" Danbi whispered, voice shaky and a little hoarse. "Or everything just flew out all at once?"

_"I love you, Danbi. You are the biggest blessing I've ever received."_

"Loving you is probably the biggest mistake I made."

"Then why-"

"Both of us are liars then." San smirked, and Danbi's knees started to go weak under her as she hung her head low, staring at her stained white shoes. "But since you are not aiming any hidden guns on me, or you haven't said anything about killing me, I suppose I can let you leave unharmed. I guess that's fair to you and everyone here, right?"

Danbi looked up and saw a glint in his eyes. Not the familiar warmth it gives, but a dangerous threat that sent a chill down her spine.

"Forget we happened. Because, we shouldn't have happened in the first place."


	7. Chapter 7

_  
The sun set a few hours ago, and yet the couple didn't move from their position since they fell asleep after lunch. He woke up before her, scanning and memorizing every feature of her face, running a gentle finger through her cheeks until she woke, humming softly before pressing closer to his warmth._

_Her hands found and fiddled with his fingers, sighing with content as she lays her head on his chest, his other hand running through her scalp. She leaned to the touch, smiling softly as she felt the rise and fall of his breathing and the quiet beats of his heart._

_"Oh," she sat up quickly, and San immediately frowned at her sharpness and the lack of her weight on top on his own. "I need to show you something." Danbi reached for the bedside table and grabbed her phone, all while slowly lowering back on the bed, head resting on his upper arm._

_She scrolled through her pictures and once she found the one she was looking for, she showed him her phone._

_San scrunched his eyebrows, trying to look for anything in it but all he saw was a smiling Danbi wrapped around an arm of some unfamiliar guy, both sweaty and looking exhausted._

_He looked up to see Danbi's smile beside the phone and asked, "Kill?"_

_She smacked his shoulder with wide eyes and mouth agape. "What the fuck? No!" she laughed. "He's my new partner and I'm showing his face to you just in case someone barges in to tell you that I'm sleeping with someone else."_

_San peered once more over the picture and lifted his hand to zoom in the face of the man beside her. "If you're going to fuck someone else aside from me, that better be not him. That's too low for your standards."_

_"Oh, shut up." Danbi chuckled, closing her phone and placing it back from where she grabbed it. "Why would I be sleeping with someone else if I have someone like Choi San wrapped around my fingers?"_

_"You sound awfully like you've done this plenty of times." He pointed out, and Danbi shifted a little uncomfortably in his arms. She looked at his eyes with guilt and fear in hers, and San almost regretted his words._

_"I think it's time for you to listen to my past, San." she said, voice quiet and small._

_"No."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because clearly, you're uncomfortable talking about it and I don't want to make you feel that way."_

_"But, you and the rest deserve to know them. Most of all, you."_

_"And knowing them won't change anything, the same thing as not knowing. I won't push you into telling because I trust you. I trust who you are, what you are, and I trust the person you'll become. Not the person who you were before."_

_"So, you're fine with not knowing?"_

_"As long as you're in my arms like this, then I'll always be fine."  
_

A shuffle made Danbi jerk awake from her slumber, eyes opening but not moving. The footsteps moved from her front door and across her small living room slowly. The steps became louder and louder, and by the time her bedroom door opened, she swiftly took the gun under her pillow and pointed it at the man.

The man froze midstep, and despite the dimly lit room, Danbi saw his eyes widen at her, body still almost laying down on the bed but the gun aimed firmly at his chest.

It took long seconds before realization flashed through her face, and when it did, she flopped back down on the bed, letting the gun fall beside her.

"Why the fuck are you here?" she closed her eyes once more as she tried to hide her annoyance.

"Checking to see if San sent someone over to kill you." His voice was hoarse but steady, as if he spent the night screaming before deciding to break into her apartment. "But I see you can handle yourself quite well. So can you just chill out?"

"Can you act like a normal human being for once and learn how to fucking knock?"

"I'm in a gang. I don't knock shit. I break shit." Wooyoung shrugged, and Danbi almost shot him then and there.

"I'll break your dick and use that to knock on your grave."

"You're right, she's feisty when woken up." Another voice spoke, making Danbi raise an eyebrow with a tilt of her head as she sat properly, blankets all tangled over her legs.

"Dude, you've known her for almost two years now and you haven't figured that shit out?" Wooyoung replied, rolling his eyes as he stepped aside, revealing a leaned figure behind him, and Danbi had to squint to see who it was.

"Why is Seonghwa in here?" she asked, then shook her head. "Scratch that, why the hell are you here barging in my room? Is sleep merely a suggestion for you rather than a necessity?"

"After last week, things like sleep and eating is not even an option anymore." Wooyoung sighed, moving over to her bedside table and leaned his weight, almost sitting down on it. "Things are shit."

Danbi paused at that, narrowing her eyes slightly. "So I assume San has no idea you are both here." Danbi said, confused as to where this conversation would go, and maybe that's because she's only half-awake. "And that brings you here because?"

Seonghwa stepped forward and sat on the end of her bed, looking at his feet as he did so. "So that you can go back and prove to that hell of a gang leader that the shit he listened to is all fucking wrong." He looked at Danbi with eyes so big it reminded her of her younger self.

Danbi took a deep breath in before climbing out of bed, and walking out of the room.

"Where are you going?" She heard Wooyoung ask, turning her head to look him in the eyes. 

"Because if shit needs to go down, I need my fucking coffee."

The other two looked at each other confused and Danbi sighed for what seemed like the fifth time in 10 minutes.

"Because what am I supposed to tell you when all he said was true?"

True enough, the three needed their coffee if they needed to get this conversation across. Two sleep-deprived gang members and a just-woken-up former gang member don't sit together even if they have known each other for years, especially when the big secret is out in the worst possible way.

"How? When? Who? What?" Wooyoung asked after they had settled down in her living room, sitting on the armrest of her couch. Seonghwa took his time wandering around the room, admiring the picture frame of hers that San sent her on their first month together. She noticed her bag behind him, and she frowned at the way it was open, and suddenly realized she must've left it in that state after struggling to look for her wallet in that big bag.

The hot liquid ran through her throat when she sipped, eyes staring blankly at the television in front of them. "That's way too many questions to answer."

Seonghwa who remained quiet ever since she revealed the truth, placed down his own cup on the coffee table and sat down beside her, facing her properly. "Tell us."

"It's not a pretty story."

"Life is never a pretty story. People just know when and where to cut their story short." Seonghwa smiled gently, and Danbi let out a shaky breath. 

She glanced once more at Wooyoung and he nodded once, waiting patiently for her to speak. 

"I was pretty and weak enough to be used for pleasure, and I had to bargain myself out just so they won't have all of me." 

__

_"Train me."_

_The old man laughed, dropping his cigarette and stomping on it. "We are not some training center or school, baby girl."_

_"Then use me as an advantage."_

_That makes him lose his smile, raising a curious eyebrow at her words, causing shivers down her spine. "Go on."_

_She exhaled, grinding her mind to come up with something that will give her benefits and not let him see through it. "Train me. Shoot, fight and kill. Then use me as an informant or insider or whatever that shit is called. No one can resist a lady and that could get them killed, making the job a lot easier and faster."_

_"Tempting. What's in it for you?"_

_Danbi paused, before letting out an exhale._

_"No one lays a fucking hand on me."_

_\---------------------_

_"A sniper?"_

_"I don't trust you enough to be seen close with my clients, so shooting in far distances is the way to go. Plus," he stepped forward and Danbi had to fight every muscle in her body to stop herself from attacking the boss right then and there. "It'll be easier to shoot you if you fuck this up."_

_\---------------------_

_"Good job."_

_"You made me fucking kill an innocent."_

_"He was in the way and killing him would get the mesage across that I don't just fuck with anyone."_

_She hissed under her breath and glared at the snickering man. "You're a monster."_

_"So I've been told. Now, get your shit straight. I have an informant that I want to get killed the instant he hands over the things I need."_

_"Another one?"_

_"Yes, but this time, we'll put your pretty face of yours to the test. And you know what will happen if you don't do this right."_

_\---------------------_

_"A little messy that I'd want, but you still got what I need, so I'll give it to you."_

_"I thought we were clear with people not touching me?"_

_"He didn't, right?"_

_"He wasn't able to after I shot his fucking hand and stabbed him."_

_"Good girl."_

_\---------------------_

"I-I'm sorry but," Wooyoung waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head. "If they had your life in the palms of your hands, how were you able to leave?"

"I killed their leader."

Wooyoung almost fell back from the armrest and Seonghwa choked on his coffee, eyes widening.

"I shot him in the head and stabbed his own knife through his heart."

"What?!"

"Yep. He was pretty shitty to everyone anyway, even to his own son so they let me live after I ran away and I had to pull some strings to get my name cleared off of anyone's records."

"So," Seonghwa crossed his legs and crossed his arms, and Danbi slumped back on the couch and leaned back, facing the ceiling. "Your father sold you out, they took you, you trained under them, you became good, you killed their leader and then you ran."

"Basically, yes." 

"That's fucked up." Wooyoung addressed which Danbi nodded. "Then how come San has no idea who you were?"

"I didn't tell him."

"Why?"

"Because he said it doesn't matter." she shrugged, sitting up straight to take another sip of her coffee. "And I was a fool to believe him. If I had known better, I should have just said it and not let him hear it from somebody else."

"If someone is an ass-hat, that's Choi San himself." Wooyoung rolled his eyes and Danbi couldn't help but laugh. "He probably said some sappy shit and made you believe his words, and now he had the audacity to almost fucking shoot you and curse you out."

"How come you never told us?" Seonghwa asked, and Danbi can sense the hurt in his voice, and she chose not to dwell in guilt anymore, especially when she spent the first three days doing just that after everything that happened. "Not even Luna?"

Danbi chuckled and rolled her eyes. "That idiot knows everything." 

"What?!" Wooyoung screamed.

"Stop fucking screaming or I'll shoot you!" Seonghwa yelled, almost grabbing the gun from his waist. He glared at him once more before shifting his gaze to her. "What do you mean she knows?"

"Did you see her question my sanity after San dropped the bomb? Did you see her try and convince me to prove to him I was wrong? She defended me from his words but didn't bother stepping in front of me because she knows I can handle it." Danbi smiled fondly. "She came here the night after shit happened, and apologized so much that she couldn't do anything."

"Sounds like something Luna would do." Seonghwa nodded and Wooyoung sighed. 

Danbi started to feel the guilt pool in her chest, breathing shakily as she tried to push all the unwanted thoughts away. She did want to tell everyone about her past, but she can't find the perfect timing or she can't find the right words to say them. She trusted them with her whole life, and the fact that she kept her biggest secret from them all made her question her actions towards everything she did.

But one thing's for sure.

She's not letting them get hurt because of her past.

"I'm sorry I kept it from all of you. I was afraid that you'd all turn your backs on me after knowing it, and turns out that the person I trust the most would do exactly that." Danbi apologized, looking at them both. 

Wooyoung patted her shoulder and Seonghwa placed a gentle hand on her thigh. 

"I understand. We understand. But I hope you'd tell us stuff like this next time." Seonghwa told her, and Danbi returned his soft smile.

"There's no next time." Danbi stated, making the two jerk their heads at her. "Do you expect San to just take me back? After I lied to him?"

"That was not lying, Danbi, and you know that." Seonghwa assured her.

"This is San we are talking about." Danbi explained. "He can't let go of his pride even if it costs him his life. Besides, I don't want to make this bigger than it is. I'll leave you guys alone and I'll continue living the life I had before I even met him."

Silence filled the room, the two unsure on how to push on further with their arguments when Danbileft no wriggle room in the conversation. 

"Why would you go against his back to come here?" Danbi asked, looking back and forth at the two.

Wooyoung shifted and now chose to sit on the floor and leaned back on the couch, letting his head fall on the cushions. "San is being an asshole. He's out of his sanity at the moment and I needed to get out of there before I blast his head off."

Danbi laughed softly and shook her head. "That doesn't answer my question though?"

Seonghwa cleared his throat and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his messages. "Everyone is so worried about you." he said, not looking up from his phone. "If they could all just run and get here, they would without any hesitations. But you know our job and that hell of Choi, we can't all leave at once."

"I had to fucking scream at his face earlier about the shit he made us all do over the past few days. He was out of it, positive, but he doesn't want to admit it." Wooyoung spoke, shaking his head slightly. "We had a screaming fest about who's the bigger idiot and almost everyone in ATZ came in running with all types of weapons, ready to shoot." he chuckled and Seonghwa did the same. "I punched him in the face then came straight here, and Seonghwa here was kind enough to drive me because with all the rage I had earlier, I could slam into a ten-wheeler and blame it all on him."

Danbi widened her eyes at that, but she remembered how Wooyoung can exaggerate his words and she relaxed on her seat.

"The others are worried about you." he finished, smiling at Danbi with so much care in his eyes, it almost made her cry. "They all wanted to make sure you are alright."

"They can come here as long as San don't come and make bullets fly all over my damn apartment." Danbi told him, pausing then pointing at them both. "And don't fucking barge in here at 3am without knowing because I won't fucking hesitate on pulling my trigger next time. Learn how to fucking knock, for god's sake."

The two laughed at that, making her smile and join in with them. 

It's a relief that they now know, and even if the others aren't clear with her situation yet, she knows how loud-mouthed Wooyoung could be and she'll hear more about whining and nagging from the others as soon as they go back to their base.

"Now that you've said that, Luna did have her shit together over the past week when her boss almost shot her best friend." Wooyoung nodded, and Danbilaughed.

"Trust me, I had to almost tape her down just so she wouldn't shoot him in his sleep."

She wasn't entirely sure if she wanted San to know about her past from them, but if she knows the rest correctly, they wouldn't meddle with their own affairs unless they deem it necessary, especially when it comes to big deals like these. She isn't quite sure if she wants him to know just so he can come back, or if she wants him to not know a thing so he can get away as far as possible from her.

After all, Danbi knows the dangers that come with knowing her secrets.


	8. Chapter 8

Danbi closed her eyes and felt the wind blow on her face as her partner lifted her in the air, one hand on her hips and another on her thigh. She clasped her hands in her chest, smiling softly as he slowly brought her down, arms bracing her waist as he kept their distance close, almost flushed with each other. She slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, stomach tucked in and breath held to ease and lighten her weight, rather than giving them all to him, making it a lot easier to move as he continued to turn.

Her shoes felt the floor, and she lifted her leg into a lower arabesque, then laying her head slowly on to her partner's chest, sensing the end of the music before pausing and stopping, both of them still as they waited.

A few seconds after, the arms around her loosened and she took a step back when Soonyoung released her from his embrace and then he offered a hand, signaling the end of their performance. She took it with a smile before letting him lead her towards the front, doing a kneeling curtsy in front of everyone, who were clapping and cheering at their dance.

Soonyoung spun her around, and she bowed one more time on the other side, her breathing ragged and uneven, but she didn't let the smile from her face to face, feeling a little lighter after seeing their directors nodding and clapping for them two.

"A very impressive improvement from the both of you." the Director stood up, patting them both on the backs. Danbi casted a glance on Soonyoung who had his hands perched on his knees as he struggled to catch his breath, but he saw her looking at him and gave her a thumbs-up. 

Soonyoung really is a great partner, on and offstage. He knows how to handle his dance partners really well, his hands know how to balance and brace their bodies even in the hardest of steps. He learns and listens a lot, taking in every single correction from their rehearsal masters, and then would ask his partner- in this case, Danbi- to rehearse some more during breaks to perfect the steps they missed during their runs.

When the music stops and the curtain closes, Soonyoung knows how to comfort and congratulate in his special ways. He would cheer and laugh out loud, jumping excitedly when they nailed a step they kept on practicing, or when it was the best eun they ever did after a long time. And when things get a little rough, he would stay close and offer his silent sympathy, letting her know that she's not alone and they would work things out, and then making her laugh by doing the most silliest tricks and or a new dance he learned but his body is just not too smooth to perform a hip hop dance.

Soonyoung helped out a lot in removing all thoughts in Danbi's head by being a helpful dance partner in times of need. 

Danbi nodded and smiled at the Director. "Thank you so much, Sir." She breathed, and she was given a side hug, despite the sweat and sticky costume. "But we believe that we can do better on the first turn after the lifts." she saw Soonyoung nod beside her and the Director hummed. 

"There's still things we need to smoothen out though, like transitions and moments where both of you lost your expressions, but overall, it was very good and I can't wait to see you both perform." he said, the two dancers nodding along with his words.

Danbi knew that every rehearsal, there will always be new things to work on. Nothing is constant, nothing is perfect, especially in ballet. Though their coaches and teachers always tell them to 'reach that perfection', there will never be perfection. Because if you perfect that one step, you will have to perfect another, then another and another. 

There are hundreds and thousands of little steps that you have to take note of, and to perfect. Even the greatest dancers and performers, who looked nothing less that perfect, know that they aren't, because there is a lot to work on and practice and rehearse.

It's a never ending cycle. But she loved every single thing about it.

It takes her mind off of everything that had happened and is happening, whether it is for the better or for worse. She forgets the world outside the glass doors of the studios, outside the loud music and outside of the thumps of her heartbeat.

She’s distracted from feeling any pain from her chest. 

Soonyoung shook her hand when their Director left, and they both went out to change from their sweaty costumes, and into something more comfortable to wear to prepare for another round of rehearsals. 

The dressing room was empty, as expected, and Danbi quickly changed and freshened up, mind going blank as she did her routines, until she saw her own reflection from the mirrors, seemingly like a ghost staring at her back.

_“I hate to say this because I know you are going to throw something at me, but you really need to eat more than that, Danbi.” San sighed, and almost immediately dodging the lettuce leaf Danbi threw at him._

_“Shut up.”_

_“You don’t have to throw that!” San exclaimed, picking up the leaf and pointed it at her, but she only rolled her eyes back._

_“I am perfectly fine. I am more than capable of handling myself with this amount of food digesting in my stomach.” she muttered, pushing her food around the plate with her fork._

_“I know you can, but I am just worried. Plus, I believe you can exert better and stronger efforts with more than just leaves and water in that small waist of yours.” San rounded the table and sat on it, a little far away from her plate but close enough for him to take her hand and squeeze it. “I know you’ll be beautiful on that stage, as always. I know you can take my breath away, and I believe that it won’t hurt even the slightest bit if you eat a little more. Maybe carbs or protein? I heard from Seonghwa that I should be making you eat that instead of plain, boring leaves.”_

_“How dare you insult my leaves?” Danbi fake-gasped, and San chuckled, then tucking her hair behind the ear._

_“I only dared to insult them because of how your eyes looked like they were cursing them the moment you took them out of the fridge.” San laughed, and Danbi snorted, but felt an overwhelming warmth spreading through her chest. “Now, what about I end your suffering and order some chicken?”_

_“You never fail to ruin my diet.” She smiled, and San leaned in closer to kiss her, a hand up on her nape to pull her closer, as the other gently squeezed and held her hands, comforting and loving._

_San never actually ruined it, because there is nothing left to ruin. At that point in her career, she was just so obsessed with trying to make everything work, as if the moment she removed her eyes from it, it would disappear in smoke. So she did much more than what was asked of her, and even after achieving the little goals she made for herself, she’s never content._

_One more round. One more step. One more turn. One more dance._

_And maybe this time, one more kiss._

_Because you’ll never know when everything will fall apart, with nothing left to salvage._

“Danbi, you’re up next for rehearsals after one last run from the corps de ballet.” A staff member peeked in the dressing room, making Danbi snap out of her thoughts and nodded gratefully at her.

She looked at her reflection once more, before pushing herself straight and took a deep breath.

_One more day._

\----------------

The luggage on the corner of her apartment looked like a good thing to stare at, for the meantime. Danbi took a bite of her cold watermelon as her mind drifted off, thinking about almost anything her brain can think of. She leaned closer to the table, pushing around the last slice of watermelon from the bowl, quickly noticing the messy state her apartment is in. 

Her eyes soon drifted off from her luggages to her open gym bag, clothes hanging off the opening after her frantic search of her phone, and she’s just forgotten to tidy them up before she stuck herself on the table with a huge pile of watermelon (which were gone in a flash). Pointe shoes and used tights and leotards and bobby pins all scattered on the couch, and there's a warm feeling spreading through her chest the longer she stared.

_“Why do you have to put on those rubber things before you put on the actual shoes?” San questioned, resting his chin on his propped knee in front of Danbi who was busy trying to wear her pointe shoes._

_The theater was closed for three days due to some water leak, meaning there's nothing for Danbi to do for three days. She planned to rest and sleep and lounge around San's apartment and in the base, but after her first day of doing literally nothing but sleeping, her body itched to dance and rehearse. San thought it would be nice for her to use the empty room near his office, so they moved around some empty boxes and cleaned the dust off the floors, making it a small studio big enough for her to use._

_There's nothing better than sharing what you love to do to the person you love, so Danbi felt grateful and excited when San came in the room with his laptop under his arms, informing her he'll stay there as they work._

_Danbi smiled, gaze focused on the ribbons of her shoes as she tied them above the ankle bone.“These rubber things are called toe pads, and some are actually made out of cloth, sometimes wool, and sometimes dancers just use cut up stockings.” She shrugged, tucking in the ends of the ribbons inside. “I use it for extra protection, since I’m too fucking scared to have a dead toenail, but some refuse to use them because they said they can’t feel the floor.” Looking up after being content with her ribbons, she saw San looking at her, eyebrows scrunched as he tried to understand what she just talked about._

_Danbi laughed at this, poking San’s nose before standing up. “Let’s just say, it’s like wearing leather gloves while holding a gun and then shooting. It protects your hands from having those nasty calluses, but some prefer not to use them because they can’t feel the roughness of the handle or something.”_

_It took two seconds and a half when the realization struck him, mouth opening wide as he nodded in understanding. He then lifted up his hands up towards her, and she laughed before pulling him up, and when he stood, he immediately wrapped his arms around her, making them stumble but managed to prevent them from falling to the floor again, spreading his legs a little apart to maintain his balance, gripping and embracing her tight._

_There’s a lot of things that made Danbi realize how hard she had fallen for this particular guy, but not did she expect to fall for him for the simplest of things, like when he nuzzled closer in their embrace, burrowing his head on the crook of her neck, making him look smaller and less built. Not once did she expect her heart to beat faster at the sight of a mafia boss looking and becoming vulnerable in her embrace as she saw their reflection on the mirrors, San hunched over her body as she cradled him, rubbing up and down his back gently._

_“I know you don’t need the rubber pads at all since you can protect yourself in all different little ways, but I hope you’d still keep them to help you ground yourself and not have long-lasting scars.” San mumbled before loosening his hug but kept his hands intertwined on her back. He leaned back slightly and looked straight into her eyes, making every word hit her heart in the gentlest of pleas. “I hope you still keep me even if you can protect and take care of yourself. I hope you’d still let me cling to you, providing you nothing but extra protection against anything that you’ll face. I hope you'd let me support you as you continue to dance towards your dreams, bringing me along with you. Because stars only know how much I want to be with you for the rest of my life."_

If things started out different, would San be there with her before she leaves? Would San try and stop and protect her? Would he let her leave? 

She noticed the mugs sitting by her sink, the chopsticks he gave her once from his trip, the pictures they had framed, the clothes she stole from his dressers, the couch that had a coffee stain from one of their pillow fights, the lost of movies by the television and the pair of toothbrushes hanging in the bathroom.

Danbi couldn’t help but sigh, a tear slipping out from her eyes as she slowly realized that San had left a piece of him in almost everything in her apartment. San had made a mark in her life, and she’s not quite sure if she can slowly erase them, or they could simply fade away with time, or if she wanted them gone. He had simply made sure she could not forget him, and this tends to remind her bitterly about the things she hesitated to do and say. 

San had engraved himself within the walls of her heart, and carved it all out before running away.

With a heavy sigh, she pushed her already sore body up from the seats and took her dishes to the sink, thinking already of leaving them for tonight and finishing cleaning up in the morning before everything starts to get hectic. The dishes were not much, but the exhaustion of the week’s rehearsals are starting to wear her out, her eyes almost drooping and halfway closed already.

The note stuck on her fridge remained untouched, despite the fact that she had stared at it for hours after returning home earlier from work. The sticky note plastered smack in the middle, the yellow color striking against the dull colors around it. Her chest tightened at the sight of it beforehand, leaving it on the fridge as she did her routines. She expected to feel the same things over again when she glanced at it after leaving the dishes, but she felt numb and unbothered.

There's nothing else for her to do but to stare at it longer. 

It was bound to happen anyways, and it had been happening for a month already.

\--------------------

“You didn't have to kill him then and there. You know that." Mingi trailed his gaze over the body, wincing slightly at how much bullet his body got from San's little anger episode.

"I have to, or else he'll ruin everything we've planned for weeks." San hissed, tucking his gun back to his waist, then fixing his coat over it. "I don't want loose ends." 

“Is that why you simply gave up the best thing that’s happened to you ever since you took over this life?” San heard Hongjoong mutter under his breath, leaning against the wall in the corner with his legs crossed under him.

Since that day, Hongjoong had been distant. By distant, meaning throwing insults and making San question everything he did and loom over it at night, and San just couldn't help but to pretend none of it is striking enough to make him flinch. San could've fired him, or shouted back or shot him in the kneecaps, but Hongjoong and everyone in his team is too precious to him to simply hurt them just because he's been having anger issues. 

And he knows Hongjoong is right about everything.

San ignored his comment and walked away, and then pausing to glance once more on the bloodied mess on the floor. "Call someone to clean that up. And make sure that everyone knows what happened to him from whatever shit he came from."

"Aye, Sir." Hongjoong mocked saluted, and San simply ignored him, putting his hands on his waist.

"Are we done here? I'm fucking starving." San asked as they walked back to the car. He could feel Hongjoong’s glare on the back of his head, but he’s too fucking tired and running on two hours of sleep to burst out. 

"We could've finished earlier if it weren't for the fact that you used that body as a shooting target." Hongjoong said, climbing smoothly on the passenger's seat, voice hard. "A simple bullet would have made the job far more easier to clean, but no. You shot him five times in less than 3 seconds."

"He's pissing me off." San slumped on the back seat, taking his phone out from his back pocket and scrolled through it idly.

"No. You're pissed off." Hongjoong pressed, making San lift an eyebrow, seeing him looking back at him from the passenger’s seat.

San scoffed, looking back on his phone. "Ain't that the same thing?"

"You're pissed off since what happened with Danbi, and you know it."

The car roared to life shortly after Mingi made himself comfortable in the driver's seat, pretending to not hear the conversations, but San could almost see his ear twitching as they talked. Though San appreciated the effort of him not butting in and adding his opinions like he always did, this time, San just wanted the conversation to end just when it was about to start. Even if Mingi had to bring up the stories of his great grandfather and his farm. Anything just to stop Hongjoong from murdering him with his eyes.

"Knock it off." San glared at Hongjoong so hard it could burn him, but the older refused to back down, staring back at him with something similar to amusement. "I told you, she's not worth the conversation."

"Since when? Since you fucking listened to another gang or when you almost placed a hole through her head?"

San tensed at that, his phone gripped so tight that his fingers almost turned white. Seeing disgust and anger in Hongjoong's eyes made him wonder how much he fucked up for him to glare back at him with so much hatred.

Oh yeah, he fucked up big time.

Breaking off the stare, San exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and slumped further on to the back seat. “Mingi, make it fast. I want to be in the office and finish the last of this.” he stated, then closing his eyes before he could take a glance at Hongjoong again.

But he could feel his stare burning him from the inside, awfully similar to what he’s been feeling the past few days.

_Guilt._ Guilty of accusing her of so much, guilt of making her leave, guilt of making her believe he doesn’t care at all. He’s guilty of so much, so many things that are more than enough to make him crumble and lose sleep. Guilty enough to have nightmares of her being alone and being tied somewhere, and he couldn’t do anything about it because he made her believe he’s not coming for her anymore. Nightmares that made him sweat and wake up in the dark night, the nightmares making sure he’d feel the loneliness inside his large apartment, not a single trace of Danbi at any part of the rooms. No gentle fingers carding through his hair as he tried to calm down and convince himself it was all a dream, and no warmth to make him feel the love he’s been deprived of in years.

_Disgust._ Disgusted with himself, for saying the things he didn’t mean, for staring at her with so much hate in his eyes. For almost hearing the crack of her heart as he aimed at it, as well at how loud her unshed tears were as she held his gun and placed it on her forehead, firm and desperate. He is disgusted at himself for being able to think so differently of her, when he was the one who deserved to be treated as such.

_"Forget we happened. Because, we shouldn't have happened in the first place."_

He knows that he was the one who refused to listen to her past because she didn’t look too comfortable about it. He was the one who pressed that he doesn’t have to know, even if she was willing to swallow her fears just to show him all of her sides. He was the one who stopped her, and now, he was the one who has the audacity to call her everything but loyal and truthful.

When all she did was to follow and to give him her trust.

The ride back to the base was quiet, except for the soft tunes playing on the radio that Hongjoong chose after he tore off his deadly gaze from San. He couldn’t help but release a shaky breath, looking out the car window as they drove off the bay and into the cities, losing himself in the memories.  
 _  
“Can you not bring me home?” Danbi muttered, hugging her legs and resting her chin on her knees as she sat on the passenger’s seat, making her look so small in that coat San gave her after fetching her from the theaters._

_San took a quick glance at her, then looked back on the road that was almost empty apart from a few trucks and some smaller cars. “You want to stop and rest in mine instead?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then where?”_

_“Anywhere away from here.” She sighed, looking out at the window, and San could see the tears slipping from her eyes quietly. "Away from this. Away from the city. Away from reality."_

_His heart clenched at the sight of her looking so small and frail, his grip on the steering wheel started to tighten, making his knuckles white._

_He couldn’t do anything about it. He could kill all the people that made her feel so small, but he could never protect her from all the pain she felt in her chest. He couldn’t erase everything they made her hear and feel and accept, as much as he wanted to erase them all from the world._

_So San could only hum in response, reaching over to hold her hand without looking at her. He felt her hand hold him tight, curling her fingers hard enough to leave a mark, but not too much to draw blood. Not that San cares, but he’s a little concerned considering how much she wanted and struggled to hold on, as if she was afraid to lose it all._

_Maybe she is afraid to lose it all, but San swore to not let that happen._

_“You want to just drive anywhere? Don’t care wherever it may lead us?” San offered, then giving her hand a squeeze as he halted to a stop at a red light._

_She looked up at him, eyes big with tear streaks on her cheeks. “Can we do that?” she asked shyly._

_San nodded with a soft smile on his lips and tore off his focus from the road to look at her, “What about your rehearsals tomorrow?”_

_“We have an off day tomorrow.” she paused, “What about yours? We can just postpone this when things are less hectic back at the base-”_

_“I am ready to drop down anything for you.” San whispered, leaning forward to give her a kiss then returning back on to his seat as soon as he saw at the corner of his eyes the light turning green._

_“I will do anything to make you feel that you are not alone.” he whispered, and he could feel her finger brushing gently at his hand, with a single teardrop burning his hand when it landed on him._

The base is eerily quiet. Maybe save for some minor groups that are busy doing whatever there is to do around the area, but there was no Yunho demanding to get their information straight, or for Jongho shooting boredly at a rude man, or Seonghwa pacing back and forth as he waited for their return. None of them could pinpoint was it was, but it is different from their boring days.

The moment the three stepped inside their floor, their suspicions were correct. Something is wrong. 

San gave the two a glance, and all the tension they had in the car came flying out as they prepared their guns with practiced ease and made their way in, slowly and carefully. There is a door that one has to pass through before entering their private space in the building, and Mingi stepped in forward, offering to open it, to which San nodded. 

Everything could go wrong the moment they opened the doors, so San focused and gripped his gun tight.

Before Mingi could kick off the doors, a loud scream and hushed voices made them tense and stop, and San quickly asked them to relax when he realized that the voice was familiar. Not similar to what they were used to hearing, but definitely familiar.

“-not right!” The voice exclaimed, and San held the knobs and took a deep breath before he opened the door cautiously.

It wasn’t the kind of mess he expected. He expected more blood and knives and broken windows and bullet holes on the walls. He expected guns pointed with thick tension in the air. He expected a little more chaos and suffocating silence, and he surely expected the worst, maybe a body or two (not that he wanted it, but it was possible).

But what he didn’t expect was the thrown off chairs, a desk turned upside down, a broken computer and a frantic Luna being held captive in Seonghwa’s arms.

“This is not the way it was supposed to go!” Luna shouted, her hair all tangled and San could feel the tense and firm hold of Seonghwa around her, his face wincing as she continued to thrash off. “You have to at least know what is going on!”

Hongjoong and Mingi stood still on his sides, disoriented at the mess they were not prepared for. They could see the rest of his team busily scattered around, worry plastered all over their faces while they worked as Luna squirmed out of Seonghwa’s hands, Wooyoung's arms held out as if trying to calm her down. He caught Yunho and Yeosang calling someone over their phones and Jongho typing away fast on his laptop.

“We will help her!” Seonghwa struggled to say, tensing his arms to hold her tight enough but not to hurt her. “Just calm down and explain to us what is going on to plan it all out-”

Luna turned around as much as she could in his hold and looked at him in the eyes. “She’s gone!” 

Someone can shoot San in the head and he still won’t be able to feel it because of the numbness he felt. 

“What?” he heard Wooyoung say, freezing and looking awfully similar to what San looked like, dazed, confused, and scared. “What do you mean she’s gone?”

Luna cried in Seonghwa’s arms, struggling to breath properly in between sobs. “She-” 

Yunho dropped his phone and stepped in closer to her before San could, leaning towards Luna in Seonghwa’s arms. “What is going on?”

San could feel his mind running around in circles after seeing Luna so frazzled and lost. This is the first time any of them had seen her like this, desperate to get help for the person she worried about and help for herself. But Luna lost her parents when she was young, making her live with her grandparents who passed away before lived on her own in the city. She never had too many friends, only having a lot to keep after joining ATZ. She never had to worry about anyone but herself, except when she met-

_No._

“Who is gone?” San blurted out before he could stop himself, making everyone turn to face him, eyes wide and terrified.

“I- She-”

San ran to Luna and pushed Yunho away as he grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him as he tried to look for any hidden lie behind her eyes. 

_This is not happening._

Seonghwa laid a protective hand on San’s chest in case he lost it, but let him. “Who is gone Luna?!”

Luna paused before she clenched her eyes close, gripping harder on Seonghwa’s arms just in case her knees went weak under her.

“Danbi. Danbi’s gone.”

\---------

_"Seonghwa managed to put a tracker on her bag when they visited her for the first time. That bag, you gave that to her. She uses it every single time. But suddenly, the tracker didn't move for three days straight. So I ran."_

San drove as fast as he could after Luna broke down in front of him, pleading and begging.

_“Everything is a mess. She never left the house unless it’s all clean and tidy. No more luggages, half of her clothes are gone, and most of her personal items are gone too. Her bag which contained the tracker is there on the table, empty."_

He hissed under his breath before speeding faster through the night, desperate enough to pray to make sure Danbi is safe back home and Luna just had it all wrong.

_“I was stupid enough not to check on her for days, but I got too caught up with work that I didn’t notice the tracker not moving and her not messaging me for three days straight already.”_

Danbi wouldn’t leave without a word. She was too scared to be left alone, especially when she knew she’s too vulnerable, and she wouldn’t leave and disappear without informing him- or her friends for that matter.

_"San- a lot can happen in three days. A lot- Things can happen fast enough. I- what if- what if something went wrong? What if she really is gone? What will happen then?”_

The parking lot is too far from where the elevators are, so he simply parked at any spot he could find and darted in the lobby and hopped onto the closing doors of the elevator. He could feel his heart pounding so loud and fast, and he could feel his palm sweating. 

The elevator was agonizingly slow, making him tap his feet, desperate to reach her faster just in case everything is wrong.

Anything could go wrong in every second.

The elevator doors opened, he ran out not looking anywhere except for the familiar doors at the end of the hallway. He kicked the door open, noticing it was way too light for it to have double locks and when his eyes cleared, his heart sank.

Clothes and shoes are everywhere, the couch is disoriented, piles of dishes on the sinks, and even a lone bucket was standing in the middle of the room. His eyes glanced at the bare tables, their pictures she had framed are nowhere in sight, save for one that was sitting on top of her fridge.

Her bedroom was nothing less; blankets aren’t neatly folded like she used to do every morning, more clothes thrown on the bed, and the light in the bathroom was even left open. Some of her beauty products aren’t there, and San knows she goes everywhere with them.

_  
So she did leave._

_She left without a word._

_She left him without anything at all._

San paced once more around the room, looking for anything that would help convince him that Danbi would stay. Something for her to come back to. 

_"Loving you is probably the biggest mistake I made."_

“Fuck.” San breathed, running a shaky hand through his hair, turning around to take in more of the scene around him.

Until his eyes landed on her fridge.

Until he squinted his eyes to see it wasn’t her handwriting.

San took slow steps towards it, afraid to see anything that could confirm her departure, but desperate enough to know what the hell is going on.

He pried it off the fridge and his hands tensed.

He read it again and again, and slowly the heat in his chest was too much.

Overbearing.

The desire to kill.

He read it again, the paper crumpling in his hand. 

He read it again, but this time, out loud.

“I will kill you before Choi San can see you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!~
> 
> As you can tell, I have changed the main female character's name from Rain to Danbi, because it felt kind of off to me whenever I write the name Rain :>
> 
> I also edited mostly the grammar of all the chapters, and I am planning on editing the storyline as I go, so please inform me if some parts are confusing or if you want some parts to be clearer or more detailed or explained :))
> 
> Anyways, free to comment what you think or anything at all! 
> 
> Thank you for sparing time to read and see you very soon! ~~


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